#and i was honest and said that it probably wont work anymore

[aaami]

I’m so annoyed 🙃

[jester089]

If it’s ok, can you indulge my love for The Amazing Digital Circus?

I was just thinking of the gang with an s/o who’s seen as the rock of the group that is always strong willed, happy go luck, helpful and supportive. But they stumble upon their s/o just having an episode where they’re crying in frustration and punching a wall to calm down before going back to pretending like nothing happened?

I have a thing for strong willed characters hiding their perceived weakness from others.

Be strong for them

Thanks for the request! I feel for this type of character a lot. Now you didn't specify if you wanted the whole crew and you being the s/o of one. Or individual. So I'll do individual so that whoever your fav is their'll be something for them. Except Bubble though cause I just can't come up with stuff for them, sry.

Caine

Despite being an AI who doesn't really understand humans I feel he would notice your inner turmoil. He kind of has too! Cause he has to watch for and know if someone is going to abstract. Moving on he appreciates you being strong willed and a joy to be around seeing as how it makes others stick around longer. You can't have a circus without performers after all. Caine being how he is he would most likely just appear in your room while your having a breakdown multiple times because he wants something from you not even noticing you having trouble mentally. Only time he would really notice is if you were at the apex of that breakdown when he showed up. I can 100% see him just floating a few feet away from you one eyebrow raised for a minute with worried eyes before he asked if you were ok. If you said yes, despite what he think's he'll believe you. First few times. If you say no and seem to be looking for some comfort he'll do his best but he isn't exactly good at that kind of thing. More likely then not he wont really touch you but he'll give some words of encouragement and probably ask if their is anything you want (except a way out of the digital realm.) And whatever you ask for you'll have in an instant. But their is a limit. He can't be spoiling you now. He still needs your input on things and giving gifts wont be special anymore if you get whatever you want whenever you want. And after doing the bare minimum and seeing you bounce back and be how you always are he'll assume that what he did worked perfectly and your fine now. He's a little dense I'll be honest. 2.5/10 comfort

Gangle

Now Gangle isn't exactly good with emotions. She has tons sure. But handling them is another story. But you being there and always seemingly in a good mood nothing really affecting you will help her keep calm. I mean just having an anchor can make stuff you usually can't deal with seem small. (Especially if you stick up to Jax for her. Or better yet get her confident enough to do it herself.) When she walked in on you having a breakdown first thing her mind would go to is that your on the verge abstracting which causes her to panic and make the whole thing worse. She doesn't try to it's just a lot all at once. Especially considering how you don't usually show this kind of stuff. Now once the initial shock has worn off and at least she has calmed down some she'll be pretty good at helping you calm down. I mean she's a cinnamon roll. Even if her ways of comfort don't work well just knowing she's trying will definitely help. Now if you cope with more self destructive ways she'll be more worried but try her best to trust you. Though that doesn't mean she'll just let you punch things, especially things that could hurt you (I've punched a few walls in my time and I can safely say it hurts.) Now when you just snap back to how you usually are nothing expect the red eyes and dried tear streams on your face will cause a whole load of more worry in her. How long has this been going on?! Are you ok?! Can she do anything?! DO YOU STILL LOVE HER!?! If you don't accept her help she'll probably start to spiral and take that as you don't trust her enough or you don't think she can help you. So for her sake, and yours let her help. Cause if you do that'll lead to a whole lot of trust and make a very sturdy base for your relationship. It'll also help her get better with emotions as a whole. She wishes she could do more for you but she can and will do what she can with what she has. 8/10 comfort

Zooble

Oof. This probably isn't going to end well. It's basically like a angsty teen trying to comfort someone they care about. Zooble probably acts like she hates how happy and upbeat you are. But she doesn't. When she's laying in bed not wanting to get up the thought of going on an adventure and watching you be dumb on purpose makes her smile and get up. Sure every day is the same in the circus, but with you there it's a nice version of repetitiveness. Now Zooble has a lot of problems. Everyone in the circus does. But if she walked in on your having a breakdown I feel like she would honestly just turn around and leave. Not because she doesn't care. But because she feels she'll make it worse if she stays. Every 5 minutes or so she'll poke her head back in your room to see how your doing. Probably accompanied with a quiet "You uhhh. You doing ok?" if your still crying. Now if she peaked her head in and you were back to normal she might honestly think she hallucinated you crying like that. But their are some things you can't hide. Like puffy eyes or how your voice is a little wavy from crying. So knowing even less what to do now she'll just join you in your room and sit on your bed hoping that just her being around will be enough. Now if you break down again and start venting about what is worrying you she'll sit there and listen intently. If not she'll think that your still not doing ok but she doesn't really know how to bring that out. Or help with it. Overall her comfort is a little lacking but she's trying her best. 4.5/10 comfort

Kinger

Now I headcannon that Kinger is really, really, REALLY good at comfort. I mean did you see the impenetrable fortresses door, and how it was being held up. I don't think a single person ever who is good at making pillow forts is bad at comfort. I feel like overall he would be pretty indifferent to you being all happy though he would appreciate the supportive vibe you bring. He's crazy, I'll just be honest about that. But he seems to be surprisingly resilient as he never gets worse, or better. He just is. When he walks in on you freaking out he doesn't flinch or is surprised. He's been in the digital circus a long time. And he's lost many. He understands why. So he just calmly walks in gives you a light hug No idea how. He doesn't have arms. and a quick forehead kiss. He sits you two down on the floor and makes a little pillow wall around you two. Then he (in a surprisingly calm voice) asks what's troubling you. Now you don't exactly have a choice of if you do or don't tell him. He's lost to many to just leave you on your own in this. So he'll sit there a hand resting on your knee while you mentally prepare yourself. Out of everyone he's the most likely to genuinely and long term help you calm down. He's seen many things, been through many things. No matter what it is that's worrying you it wont surprise him and he can probably help. 10/10 comfort

Ragatha

Well aren't you two just the perfect duo Ragtha is pretty mentally drained having the always be the one that everyone rely on. She was the only anchor for this place the only one keeping everyone spirits high. Then you showed up and made the work 50/50. That's what initially made you catch her eye. You two have enough infection happiness and good vibes to make just about anyone have a good day. Though their are diminishing returns the digital circus wouldn't be the same without you two. When she walks in on your falling apart she reacts two ways. One she also starts freaking out (Just instinct at this point. I mean you saw her in the pilot, every time Pomni started breaking down she interrupted it.) And two a whole lot of understanding on where your coming from. She sits down with you and lets your get it all out before speaking. She asks if your ok, if she can do anything, and what caused it. Once you explain that it's just all so much. The circus, having to be strong for everyone else. It puts so much pressure on you. On hearing that Ragatha breaks into tears flipping the comfort giver and receiver. Once she has gotten most of it out and can make comprehensible sentences again she explains how she's going through the same. On hearing that you feel really bad. You've only been here what a year and your already breaking down over it. But you've always had Ragatha there to lighten the load. But she's been here so much longer doing the exact same but without anyone else to help her. So you make it a kind of personal mission from then on to not make your problems hers and help her out when and wherever you can. -3/10 Comfort. She just had a lot of stuff bottled up and ended up making you worry about even more.

Jax

Jax's first thought would probably be "Oh great, another Ragatha to deal with." But something about you isn't as annoying to him as Ragatha. He actually enjoys and appreciates all that you do for him. And the others too I guess. Now be warned Jax deals with a lot of stuff with humor. And his sense of humor is putting others through anguish mental, emotional, and physical. So when he first finds you crying will most likely make a joke about you being a cry baby or "So you finally broke huh? I always wondered how long it would take" making you feel much worse about it. When if he notices that he'll feel bad and stop maybe. He'll more likely then not just exist in your room, leaning against a wall or grabbing random items off of shelves/your desk to fiddle with. Now when you snap back to how you usually are I really feel like he'll just be like "Oh cool. You fine. Well I'm gonna go get some food." then leave you alone with your thoughts. (I'm sorry to all you Jax fans it's just I don't go for looks like most do. I'm entirely attracted to personality. And Jax's isn't great. I mean Gooseworx confirmed that he isn't like nice deep down. He's just an a$&hole. So if Jax is your fav my Tumblr ain't for you.) 0/10

Pomni

You and Ragatha keep Pomni in one piece. (I mean if Ragatha wasn't in the pilot I feel like Pomni would already be abstracted.) So she kind of clings to you. Not physically but she would fall apart pretty quickly without you there. So when you asked her to grab something for you she did without a second thought. But she wasn't expecting to come back to hearing crying followed by a loud thump in your room. She sprints over and throws the door open only for you to be completely ok and sitting at your desk. You thank her for grabbing it for you then go back to what you were doing making her think she's gone of the deep end and is hearing things. But then it happens again, and again. Leading her to believe your just hiding something from her. So next time it happens she sneaks up to your door and carefully peaks inside only to see your tugging at your hair tears streaming down your face. You punch the wall making her jump and make some noise. Your eyes lock onto the small crack in between the door and the frame you two locking eyes. She blushes heavily then slowly opens the door basically admitting to eavesdropping. She was just worried is all. You quickly clean yourself up and apologize for having her see you like that only causing her to worry more. She doesn't push it knowing from experience how that feels but from that day on she tries to not put as much pressure on you. And makes an effort to return the favor when she can. 4.5/10 comfort (I sincerely enjoyed writing this. Cause I am also a sucker for that kind of character. Hope you enjoyed it!)

xoxo, Jester

[barrenclan]

i actually love this ending, and not just bc there are survivors. it just works, thematically and by subverting everyone's (characters and audiences) expectations

like. i can already see comments on dA when (if) you post in on there. people getting vocally annoyed over it being 'weak' ending and 'not enough death for Defiance' and all. but this isnt about blood and gut showers for shock value, just to fill up the quota about it being about death. it really shows that Deepdark is more than that, even with how he flaunts himself in that.

even the characters expected a bloodbath. BarrenClan to die (physically) and Defiance to kill. Ranger is most vocal about it. and they all fail to really see how Deepdark views it, and for him, it seems like blood must be shed tastefully. it needs reason and design, not just spill it like some brute (like Longest-Claws in his eyes). it really shows that most animals joining Defiance expects mindless bloodspill and no consequences for it. Deepdark remind them, probably not the only time, that that's not how he does and not what he expects of them (as shown with Ranger's punishment).

and really, that does defy the expectations. the defiance of expectations (i know you dont like the 'the' before Defiance, but i hope its okay in this context). we and they expect guts ripped out of the cats and flood their camp with viscera. Deepdark sees more art in showing them mercy, sick twisted mercy as they know next time he wont show it. and they dont know when will be the 'next time'. it could be next week, or next month, or maybe in few hours he will change his mind.

that's the kicker. that's the fear, that is more powerful than just killing them all. because if they are dead, they cant be afraid anymore of what Deepdark will do next. the killing has reason and no reason, but so does mercy. adrenaline from killing and fighting will fade overtime, but the fear of your life after being spared by such force will last forever.

Thank you! And have no fear, PATFW will never be going up on DeviantArt, at least not any more than an announcement post that it exists. As I said a year ago, I've been a bit nervous for the end of this arc because it's such a subversion from what everyone expected, and always hoped it wouldn't come off like an anticlimax, because it's what I've always had in mind for the end of the comic.

(Ha, "relatively soon"? It's like I never learn.)

But I did try and establish Deepdark's personality and motivations as someone entirely unpredictable, but not automatically homicidal. He said in Issue 38 that he would spare BarrenClan if Pinepaw gave an answer he liked - and he did! That was always an option, but the tension came from how impossible it is to predict what Deepdark would do, which is exactly what Pinepaw was experiencing in the issue.

And besides... if I'm being honest, I never wanted to write a comic that ends with everyone dead and everything horrible forever. There's nothing wrong with stories like that - I enjoy quite a few - but it's not personally something I'd write. There can be horror, tragedy, fear, even dourness and gloom constantly haunting the narrative, but it's never the whole of it.

[mewtwoandme]

Alright, a bit of an update regarding the arc....unfortunately not a good update in my opinion.

I don't think I'm going to finish all of Blu's Arc in time for Christmas :(

I tried...I really did, I thought I could, but honestly, I should've known better. Getting 3 major parts completely finished and ready to post with less than a month left??? Yeah, I dont think that's happening. Plus, with it being the holidays, things have been busy IRL with family, work, and all that "fun" stuff. Perhaps I may have been a bit too ambitious. I haven't been getting my right sleep either for the last couple of weeks, so that's been interfering with my motivation and ability to draw during the only times I'm able. Now I know I've said many, many times that it's okay if Blu is late and doesn't actually arrive by real-time Christmas, that's still fine. If he's late, then he's late. If he comes in January or February, it won't matter. He'll still be a winter baby, at least, and his birthday will still be on Christmas in the story, so be it. But...this was more of a personal goal I wanted to set for myself, and I kinda feel a little disappointed in myself that I likely won't be able to meet it...

And let's be honest...I'm not the fastest artist XD I'm slow as hell when it comes to making comics. It's taken me weeks to a month to just get ONE out on a few occasions (usually, that was because they were very long, but still).

I'm saying all this now just so ya'll won't be disappointed later, most of you probably seen this coming anyway XD I think it's safe to say I wont be focusing on the Christmas deadline anymore, but I'm still gonna try to get the arc finished in a reasonable amount of time, without disregarding my health of course ^^

[captainimfangirling]

The Boys Season 4 Episode 7

I lied. I stayed up until 2 am waiting for this episode to stream but I'm actually surprised it was better than the last one.

Warning: Major Spoilers.

A-Train

I didn't like A-Train but know I do. Good for him for doing the right thing and becoming an actual super hero. Not sure if this will be a popular opinion or not but I don't think his deed is done. After he hides his family I think he should come back and finish the job with The Boys. They sure can use him. Also he shouldn't be running off after what he told M.M. because he would be a hypocrite.

Butcher

My gut feeling tells me Joe Kessler is going to take over after Butcher passed out. Like we thought Butcher was going to do the right thing at the end but sadly not when Kessler takes over. I think if he does take over Butcher Starlight will figure it out because she heard that name. Also what was the f*cking point of making him cheat on Becca?! I mean I didn't ship them or anything and I know he was a asshole and a drunk but still I feel like they added that so we start hating on Butcher. Is Butcher (or Kessler) going to do something really f*cked up? Like kill Ryan? I've always said Kessler is like the comic book Butcher influencing TV Butcher and he's probably going to kill Ryan like he did in the comic books.

Hughie & Starlight

Because of what happened to Hughie last episode the shapeshifter tricking him into having sex with "Starlight" made me very uncomfortable. I mean I get the show is supposed to be f*cked up but wow give the guy some time to breathe. I'm scared for Starlight and I hope they give Hughie a chance to save her. I think that's all he wanted to do last season because he couldn't save Robin. I don't think it was all about Starlight being stronger than him.

Kimiko & Frenchie

Yup like I said both of them have so much in common and can heal together. I love that we finally get a backstory of why Kimiko can't talk. She had to be silent as she killed other girls in order to live so she was never able to speak again. To be honest I don't get what the point was about Frenchie turning himself in. Are we supposed to see his as his redemption and all is forgiven because he did the right thing?

The Deep

To be honest I'm not surprised The Deep broke Ambrosius' tank and let her die. The Deep always used and abused women. He didn't change at all. He finally got a taste of his own medicine when he found out about Sage and this time it's the correct way (the wrong way was him getting sexually assaulted in season one). Anyway did anyone know Ambrosius was voiced by Tilda Swinton because I for as hell didn't.

Black Noir 2 & Sage

Black Noir 2 was hilarious in this episode. I wonder if The Boys are going to figure out that he's is a different supe because they saw him talk and fly. I mean they would've known about Earving condition from Mallory, right? I think they should start a rumor about Black Noir being replaced so conspiracy theories fan would believe it. I always knew Sage had a sexual relationship with Black Noir 2 but didn't think she was going to break his heart. My poor baby. I love how she didn't have to lobotomize herself to have sex with him like The Deep. I'm so mad at Homelander for firing her but it's probably for the best if you want her to be redeemed or work with The Boys. I think she really was going to help Homelander but when she realized he wont actually listen to her she doesn't give a damn about the plan anymore and will probably help The Boys if she's hasn't given up on anyone listening to her.

Homelander, Firecracker, and Ryan

I am so proud of Ryan but I am also scared for him. Yeah Homelander didn't mean it at all when he told Ryan he can do whatever he wants. Homelander only wants Ryan to listen to him. I think Ryan is finally understanding. I have a feeling there's going to be son and father argument and Ryan is going to say I thought you said I can do whatever the f*ck I want but I guess you didn't mean it. What was that notebook Sage put on the table? I hope it belongs to Firecracker and it exposes her. Like how she writes down her plans of manipulating Homelander and step one was the breast milk. I keep saying oh this or that is going to push Homelander over the edge but when the hell is that going to happen? Next season? Because I for sure thought Homelander was finally going to go crazy and act like a god he thinks he is after the bad room episode but the next episode he's drinking titty milk from Firecracker and the episode after that he's manipulated into firing Sage who actually had everything figured out for him.

Mother's Milk

You know what M.M. getting skinny actually makes sense. Maybe he wasn't eating right because of all the stress. I know the actor wanted to lose weight but they should've written it into the plot. Anyway I'm happy he tried to save his ex-wife and daughter but A-Train is right. They wont be safe until they stop Homelander. That's why I think A-Train will come back.

Victoria

I don't care for her to be honest. I thought she was more interesting and fun when I thought she was going to be just as ruthless as Homeladner. I think they're trying to make her sympathetic so we can compare her relationship with her daughter and Homelander's relationship with Ryan.

Ashley

I adore her and this is the first time I'm saying that. She's right that Vought turns people evil. I've always said this. I think all supes were like Starlight at one point even Homelander (watch the cartoon series and see) wanted to be a real hero but Vought messed them up very badly. She's just too scared to leave. I hope she does the right thing at the end.

[for-the-sake-of-color]

For Crisis Company + Nihlus (is he officially Crisis Company? or is it Crisis Company and oh god their weird little sith that the captain has on a thin -looking leash?): Snapdragon , dandelion, marigold

LOL! Thanks so much for the ask!

Yes, Nihlus is officially Crisis Company, he holds the rank of Specialist (akin to a corporal). djghadgj They're collectively known among the GAR as 'that squad with the crazy sith' and it's rumored his antics are the cause of their squads name, which annoys his Captain to no end. "We are Urban Crisis Response!" Jet shouts to the no one who is listening.

All of Crisis Company though? this is gonna get LONG, HA!

Under the cut for convenience

SnapDragon: What is your OC's most used phrase?

Captain Jet: probably something along the line of *Deep Sigh* or "No sir, I have no idea what you're talking about, my squad would never!"

Margo: "If it works..." said in all sorts of situations. Her life is already so goddamned weird this may was well happen

Cynic: "Or blow it up" said hopefully by the heavy weapons specialist. Cmon guys, let's do something to get the heart pumping. "No," is usually Jet's reply. "This house is a fucking nightmare" Cynic sulks

Nihlus: well once he joins Crisis Company his most used phrase probably becomes WWJD or "What Would Jet Do" because the answer is definately not 'start killing until you get what you want' unfortunately for him (and fortunately for everyone around him)

Torch: "Next target," said to his spotter, Lake. You may think, given his generally attitude, it would be something closer to "my bad," for some sort of shenanigan, but he's actually an excellent sharpshooter, a fact which cannot be overlooked, even given his otherwise whimsical nature

Lake: "now do a backflip" he says from his perch with Torch, often acting as overwatch as their squad moves forwards. It is said anytime one of their squad starts bragging about a shot they made that he knows he could do better. So far Nihlus and Margo have been the only ones to be allowed continued bragging rights cause they actually can do a backflip

Heron: "It's not that bad" Listen, he's a medic. and sometimes... all you can do for a fallen soldier is a comforting lie. And luckily sometimes its just a trooper who wont stop bitching about their broken toe. Get over it, Herons missing his damn leg.

Sprig: as an E.O.D specialist he has a tattoo of the motto, "either I'm right, or suddenly it's not my problem anymore," on his shoulder in bright orange over a tattoo of a detonator. He likes to quote it whenever he's making optimistic bets

Dandelion: Does your OC get overwhelmed easily?

Captain Jet: No, mans has the task managing and organizational skills of a god. He may have gotten the rank of Lieutenant by being the last one alive, but he earned his Captains rank and his Urban response force

Margo: She doesnt get overwhelmed easily, nessesarily, but she does get frustrated quickly and it can quickly build into an overwhelming situation

Cynic: No, Cynic is as cool as a cucumber in any situation. it would take an avalanche of situations to phase him

Nihlus: Yes, easily. Frequently. He is... erratic, temperamental. It's not entirely his sith nature, either. Telepathy can be an overwhelming thing if you aren't careful about your mental barriers. too many minds thinking too many things on a war ship, like yelling in your ears but you cant cover them if you're too tired.

Torch: in professional situations, no. in personal situations, if he cant laugh something off, it'll eat at him. and like margo, a lot of little somethings can add up.

Lake: Lake has a much higher threshold than Nihlus for taxing situations, but a significantly lower one than Torch. it takes a lot less of those little things to add up for him.

Heron: No, He's a medic, he's as steady as his scalpel hand. in an Emergency he is Decisive, if we're being kind, and Ruthless, if we're being honest. He is very quickly overwhelmed by affection, though. Softness is not his usual forte

Sprig: The longer the war went on with him as a front line bomb diffuser, with each loss of another just like him to being vaporized, the more easily things began to overwhelm him. Sprig has settled more comfortably into himself with Crisis Company. Suddenly, big things aren't so terrifying anymore, when he has his family at his back.

Marigold: Describe your OC in three words or less

Captain Jet: Eldest Daughter Syndrome

Margo: Dearest Lady Fratboy

Cynic: Ride or Die

Nihlus: Suddenly, murder

Torch: We stay Silly

Lake: Anxiety with Legs

Heron: Unexpected Serial Killer

Sprig: Ankle Biter

[upsidedowngrass]

reading your and jaspers posts about bryce with silent admiration because im too scared to contribute but i really love bryce so much hes my girlfriend and my husband and i like hearing u guys talk about him because youre Right. especially as someone who struggled from grief and trauma and being abused i think bryce's case interests me more than any of the other characters (even though liam is my favorite, and it says a lot because i find all of them interesting) because there is so much to him. i doubt he has processed a single thing about what happened. i think stellas death was recent too honestly, within the last few years at least, and he copes by... not coping. burying himself in work and drinking in the hopes to forget about it. not even to mention the fact that in episode 7 it showed him driving home drunk personally i feel he was past the point of caring to the point of engaging in risky/dangerous behaviors (this speaks for itself, i dont think i need to say why). i think that the plane impacted him so much that within those 7 months after leaving he got his shit together. i cant speak for if hes totally sober or not but at the very least he doesn't drink as much as he used to and i doubt he's putting himself in danger anymore. to be honest i think bryce is one of the characters who has changed the most because of the plane, which makes him being rejoined all the more interesting to me. im probably just making shit up but i like to read into it a little more than "bryce and liam were getting along but now theyre separated and liam has to fix it oh no". sorry this ask is kind of word vomit im not in the headspace to tidy it up but i hope you get what i mean

i think if one had continued for longer than it did it would have been interesting to explore bryce finally accepting and coming to terms with his past (him not seeing his childhood home in the wr anymore kind of representing this). i love bryce and he deserves to heal

TY!!!!!!! im glad my thoughts warrant admiration to you :D!!!!!!!!!!! (i will say tho that every time uve ever posted YOURE thoughts i am like ohhhhh.... ur SO RIGHT. i think u have some of the BEST interpretations of the one characters ive seen!!!!!)

(talked SOOO so much .so there is a readmore :) )

brcye really IS such an interesting character???? ik ive said it before but i AM biased towards protagonists so i usually focus on liam but like ...... bryce really IS probably one of the more. indepth ? characters in one in terms of like. background and how he Acts. i think ALL of teh characters are written really incredibly but i think, given how much of his bg is clarified (esp in contrast with how little is shown of the other characters lives pre-one) his motives, personality, emotions all end up being SUPER super elaborate and i REALLY love how he was written ??

(that said i think the reason he IS elaborated on sm is bc like. one doesnt elaborate on character backgrounds like MOST of the time. even charlotte is mostly left up to interpretation, bc one is more about the HOW people respond rather than WHAT made them respond that way. but charlotte and bryce are both outliers, and bryce ESPECIALLY so. because both obviously have Things they havent worked through properly, but bryce is directly just. Living in it. its the fact that he WONT acknowledge the actual Things that hapepned enough to heal that warrants the elaboration. while the other characters stop acknowledging ANYTHING about their lives , save for charlotte, who gradually works out her issues themselves, because THATS whats effecting her, bryce is CONSTANTLY just. he Needs to go back, but his problems ARE about what happened, and the fact that his life outside of the plane was what MATTERED to him, but that even then, he just Wouldnt acknowledge that life when he Needed to. idk if that makes sense but ohhh i think about the decision to elaborate on some characters and to not on others bc it feels Important)

hes so. he mirrors all of the contestants in some ways, but he mirrors amelia a LOT in that both of them respond to trauma by Setting It Aside. like That Trauma Cant Affect Me If I Dont Look At It. like. ur right bryce has NOT processed ANY of his trauma. which like it makes SENSE bc. it prob feels so much easier to him to not think about it by drinking instead, because its a Lot to think about. its a Lot to come to terms with. but bc he WONT acknowledge it but its still AFFECTING him he just gets More and More miserable (the detail about him driving home drunk and not even caring is so. :( )

what IS one of the most. compelling? aspects of his character to me is the way he responded to Everything after getting eliminated. bc it just feels So Real. because he IS healing, not completely, and not in the best way, but he clearly like. started putting SO much work into improving his life??? (the detail of him finally getting an end table for his bed instead of just... using a cardboard box ALWAYS gets to me. and that + the fact that the photo of stella is put up makes it seem like. THATS what was in that box. he LITERALLY started Unpacking thigns. its like poetry to me.) because it IS hard, and i think hes still putting things to the side, shoving the trauma from the plane to the side now instead of all his other grief and trauma. and the removal of the cans from his room yknow?? that hes getting up for work on time now?? its like. yeah i agree idk if hes necessarily SOBER yet but he really does seem like hes working really hard

its not perfect, but its BETTER and it feels. correct?? (and tbh? trying to brush off the plane as a dream isnt even teh worst thing he couldve done with that, i think, bc reasonably what WAS he supposed to do w that experience?? i dont think there WAS a good answer) bc the plane was a whole new kind of trauma. and i think surface level, one would THINK hed get WORSE after further trauma but like. i think he DID in some ways but in the ways that actually affected how he acknowledged and responded to his pre-existing trauma DID get better bc, as he puts it, hed Thrown his life away before, and didnt want to do it again. bc this time, he very well couldve died. and while he was on the plane, being home, on earth was SO much better than the plane, and it recontextualized Everything. hell, maybe after that, the earth finally felt Less daunting, like somewhere he Wanted to be, because for once, he WANTED to be back, and rationalizing That and the fact that he got Lucky, that something Worse couldve just full on Killed Him Forever really DID mean he didnt WANT the worse to come, at least not as much as before. but that meant he HAD to start actually Working on improving things, and i think he may not have Intended to acknowledge Worse things, but simply because the things he had to do to improve his life, like drinking less, making his house more Livable, they all Forced him to think about things More. hes still certainly not thinking about them as much as he Should, hes still not Processing things, but hes Heading in the right direction . he really was SO changed by ONE

and then liam showing up forces him, once again, to think about something he tried to push to the side. aaaaaaaandd then he rejoins and its so. it feels thematically fitting and IS so so SO interessting. because for once in his life hes REALLY facing his trauma head on. but then is brought straight back into it. and i need to think about that aspect more bc those thoughts are a bit less Focused than my other thoughts but given how complex his writing is after he gets OUT, its. SO interesting to think about how being BACK affects him

esp bc like. him starting ep 18 Pissed Off- which historically his responses to trauma are to either just Be Shocked, as depicted a LOT in ep 14, or to get Very Vocally pissed, as shown through the first half of s1, esp ep 6, and ep 11, and ep 13, and ep 18. ive seen it written as 'he doesnt have anywhere to direct the sheer amnt of STRESS and fear so he just. ends up yelling at people bc what else CAN he do' and i think thats?? probably fairly accurate. i dont think hes as Constantly Irritable and Irrationally Angry as fanon presents him , bc it tends to be. excessive. but he DOES get reasonably angry in response to stress !!! i always think abt how his body language in the 'credits' scene of ep 6 look like hes yelling at airy. and im. lays on the ground. i dont even know if thats ever as much 'just anger' as it is Fear and it FUCKS ME UP

but the way i see it, that ties to ep 18 a LOT. because he was really Getting better. hell, what he thought was the WORST that could happen HAPPENED (dying) but he. came out OKAY? its like he was being forced to think about and work through his trauma and he survived and was ok. but being sent back is like. 'oh god i did that all for nothing.' but i think it also sort of?? serves as the Last Push for him to really, REALLY acknowledge the plane (which is why it makes sense so thematically for him to be the rejoiner. he WAS the only contestant whod Chosen to ignore it all. but that has nothing to do with the plane, he cant choose if the plane ignores Him.) past talking about its affects, how its affected people. because after everything hed worked toward, hes Back. hes back, and everyone else is STILL HERE. liam had said they were all still There but seeing them there is a whole other thing. hed SEEN the effects of making it out after 7 months. but he never saw what it was like to still BE there after all that time. and bryce CARES about them (fanon sometimes treats him as if he is a bit. coldhearted? but i think people misattribute him being unhappy with liam as him not caring. i think the problem is that he maybe cares too much, and was affected a LOT, but didnt and doesnt know how to handle that. so he WANTS to ignore it, because it was all he could do, and haaving to backtrack on his haphazard healing from the plane is. highly daunting and uncommfortable and terrifying. thats not being cold though, thats VERY different) and now he HAS to acknowledge Everything, has to be a part of it Again. and i think its a combination of 'liam was here for 7 months after we all thought itd only be a few weeks. Anything could happen. who knows how long ill be here for?' and 'liam didnt have anything when he came back. will I have anything when i come back?? will i have worked so, so hard to heal and fix my life for Nothing?' and 'i dont WANT to be here again.' and 'oh my god all of them Really Really Are Here. Theyve been here the whole time.' and i think all that culminates in an appropriate amount of horror, and that prompts him to do what hes STARTED doing, which was All He Can. and hes pissed off cus hes terrified, so he spurs everyone into pulling out the plug. and then. it doesnt work. it doesnt work and thats the LAST of what he had, and i think iirc hes the LAST one to close his eyes afterwards. because hed BEEN off the plane, hes the one of them who had any hope to give them anymore. and it didnt work

(i also think a lot about how it mustve felt seeing the contestants all so. resigned. because bryce was like that before all this, but ever since one began he was stubborn, and didnt WANT to give up. and i think finding out that these people youd seen try so, so hard just to Handle Any Of This be SO resigned would be. so fucked up. he knew amelia when she was so determined to leave, and while charlotte seems a bit saddened by her resignation, bryce was there BEFORE that happened. he wasnt there like liam or charlotte was to see it gradually develop, and to develop that despair alongside them. all hes seen is that amelia was so determined. and that he may not have known her THAT well before, he knows shes different. he knows she Gave Up and like. GOD. and also i think abt how he mustve Felt seeing the plug for the first time because ehs the only one of them who hadnt seen it before (given its likely all the other characters had, since they casually refer to it). and given the short time frame between him getting there, and the contestants trying to pull the plug? it almost seems that that was like. the last straw. and ive never posted it but i once drew stuff abt it bc. the damage to it is noticable. and i think hes already aware liam was fucked up, but this is like. a tangible, permanent record of that on the plane. and he cares about liam, and has been grappling with all the things liams told him, but thats. thats something he can See. And i think it all of it culminates in him deciding that what hes been avoiding is doing Soemthing about all this, because before he couldnt, and then it was. an awful idea to, and then he didnt have many choices BUT to help. but now theres hardly anything to do, but he has to try. he doesnt want to give up. and it makes me soooooooooooooooooo. head in hands.)

anyway that was a LONG tangent the point is. YEAH. i think rejoining would be. very very significant for his character i dont think youre making shit up its DEFINENTLY a topic w a lot of things to discuss about it

but god. yeah it wouldve been SO nice to see him come to terms with everything hed been through before one. i think the show purposefully included what it did and ended when it did because it makes more sense thematically for it to go unresolved, because the point was that NOTHING was able to be resolved nicely because unfortunately, many things are Out Of Their Control. things COULDVE resolved almost perfect but enough things went wrong at just the right (or more fitting, wrong) time for all of that to not work. i think him no longer seeing the suburbs may have signalled more that maybe, just maybe, he could Do something to help the other contestants even if HE was Dead, that now he finally HAS a goal, if that makes sense (though i think even in the timeline of the series it still wouldve taken way longer for him to process everything Fully, they WERE only in the waiting room for probably about a day) but the idea of finally seeing the waiting room as it is bc hed finally worked through everything .... man.............. man

ik ive already said it though but i DO think it is sooooo so possible for him to heal post canon. im a firm believer that no matter what, at LEAST bryce and ameliaa get home (liam and charlotte have more room for error but i DO generally interpret the ending as them both getting home too, theres just less room for things to go wrong w amelia and bryce). and i think after everything? hed be able to heal. it would SUCK but i think hes, shockingly, in a better place Logistically for things to improve, because he has a support system, he has what hed already worked on in those 7 months, he has so much to aim for. it would be rough and take long but i think ultimately? hed be able to heal :) and its what he deserves

[capseycartwright]

i think i probably wont post this in full because the middle bit feels so deeply personal and Mine and i don’t think i want to share it in its totality but i’m proud of this opener. So here’s some more sappy prose.

it’s five am, and we’re on a tram, and even though we are utterly exhausted, we’re still talking, like we’ve been talking all night now - about life, and love - and despite the fact the tram is entirely empty, the very first of the day, we’re sitting side by side, your shoulder pressed against mine.

i don’t always find it easy to be honest but with you i always seem to find a way to spill my guts - and i guess that’s because i want you to know me, really know me, and you tell me your secrets and i tell you mine and it feels special, to know that you trust me with the reality of who you are and that i can trust you with all of me.

somewhere between the party that we left, the sun not far off coming up as we said our goodbyes, and the tram stop where we continued our shared journey home, something changed between us - that sounds dramatic, i know, but we’ve been on the precipice of something for so long now and as you guided us to the tram, willingly accepting my excuse that i was too tired for my contacts to work properly anymore, nudging me down unfamiliar winding streets without complaint and a gentle guiding hand on my arm, something really did change - and for the better.

[baconlettucetomatoeggs]

lest reality may gaslight me...........

i admit there's this growing jealousy of mine when she talks about her escapades in coding. it kinda reminded me how little i know, when in fact i should know this.

now the semester's coming (yep i got enrolled, thank god) i did what most people do when they're dunno what the heck things would do: ask their nearest person

"so, honest question, do you think we're work-ready?" "i dont think so. why's that?" "if beginners nowadays can code RISC-V like it was nothing, what's left to us? sure we can say we studied this course for like 4 years but... isnt that a waste?" "i mean... yeah? i mean even the webdevs of our course were really cocky. no one even taught us AI. heck, our classmates are working on BPO. nothing wrong about it but it's such a waste of skill" (some context on the text above: the mate's specializing in AI. also some of us know webdev. at least we can deploy XAMPP and call it a day. others feel fancy with their javascripts. the second person also has a knack of wanting to make a RISC on their own. welp) and i'm still here being jealous with even seeing double colons on code, or even a simple coding example. i just cant do this anymore. it's filled with spite and i dunno where to channel that frustration: i need to learn this. but i cant. and i'm demotivated.

then she started planning on making a compiler.

we never had that kind of stuff in my course. so in confusion, i asked my mates who were studying outside of my cooleg

"hey y'all made compilers in your course?" "yeah." and idk what to say. i just wasted 4 years of my life. just. gone

"why didnt you take a course that has a license? i mean, with that entrance exam score you're set to every course" because i liked it here. but now it's just a lie.

and i wasted 4 years of my life here.

i remembered the Cult Leader (my prof, not really a cult leader but their messianic complex is HARD) said to us: "what's the use of learning low level? everything's done in web these days" as my mates and i were doing system calls on our devices.

and the worst of it all was the fact that my bff told me a real cold hard truth accidentally:

"hey did you know? your course is just a minor on this other engineering course"

lol i have no pride left in my what is essentially me, my hobby, my joy, my life. not only im dumb, but i know nothing

so, there are two options left for me:

just cry about it.

accept that everything is mediocre and you need to walk on your own, spite and all

while eating my lunch today, i told to myself i need a focused learning of all the things i wanna learn to. no i wont speak it beacause im afraid it wouldnt come to fruition

i wanna apologise to her tbh. not only she didnt know, i just dunno what she talks about 80% of the time. i like it when she's around, and i like it when she's eager on something. sorry ><

kinda disappointing that i'll go back on 4th year instead of 1st year. i definitely need that introductory class.

all i got in the end was... please dont tell your hobbies, because if you do you'll feel insecure about it when you find you dont hobbied hard enough

or maybe stuck myself reading philosophy books, whatever.

P.S.

so i asked myself wtf are we geared upon??? and welp it was obvious in hindsight, and in that one startup i worky on: it's all about building systems, the macro scale. hell we have prereqs for software engineering and another one for the Master's course

and while washing the dishes, i though like: COME ON, THAT'S EASY! IT'S EASY TO FOLLOW PARADIGMS AND JUST MIRROR IT AS IS! ANYONE CAN BUILD A MODULAR SYSTEM, OR EVEN A MONOLITHIC ONE, COME ON!!!!

sorta like the disconnect between businessmen talking about their plans 10 years (they always talk about this) vs friends planning a vacation 12 hours in advance. the first one dont need that much mental flex, only daydreaming.

...probably this is why the trend seems to be microservices, where they all struggle to keep their modularity in check. and now they removed the ethics board. they wanna think about futures, but not the present. may they rot in peace.

p.p.s

ok if you ask me what i wanna learn, it'll be HDL (verilog?) on the mondays, C/Rust on the tuesdays (cant decide. fuck it PSP time), RISC-V on the wednesdays, MIPS on the thursdays (fuck it PSP time), and friday's just Cebuano. saturday and sundays are for dumb time. cant decide how to tho. you can prolly do algorithms on any of those but that would be silly unless it's higher level i seriously wanna learn like functional languages, or languages near the theoretical side of things. we dont have the math touch in our hands and in fact we only have like 2 semesters of calculus.

this isnt prolly gonna be in fruition considering i laze around and dont have the will for anything than breathing and living

im kinda excited what shits will do in our embedded systems class. they said it's all arduino and stuff, why not go nuts? i guess.

there's 2 days of Neural Networks. no we wont build exotic stuff like GANs or something.

sigh. even with all this, i'm still dumb.

[galezellybelly]

doing this cos im bored!! (ik it's actually supposed to be an ask game but uh. i wanna do it) answers under cut!

no lol i hate their asses

my beautiful gorgeous goddess gf

yeah.

oh so incredibly insecure. and in the weirdest ways possible, too

takennnn

being so incredibly fr i'll prolly accidentally kill myself. not like tomorrow or anytime soon but i'll get older and be like "yeah no i can die now. imma go do xyz obviously dangerous thing hold my drink"

i had lemon water this morning (it counts okay)

i have in the past, yes. very badly

used to, but when i got braces it hurt to and after they got taken off the habit was mostly broken

i do martial arts so like. last week. i've never street fought anyone tho (lowkey wannna to see if i could take them tho. for funsies)

yeah my girlfriend (we're dating but i still have like. a huge crush on her)

i've stayed up 6 days straight, during a finals week (and came out with a 4.0 somehow) so yes

idk. probably but if i don't like someone i usually remove them from my psyche

no actually, not someone that's emotionally gone or anything. a lot of people i used to know kinda sucked. i miss my friends all the time, but i don't think that's what they mean

two mini aussies!

being so honest? tired and stressed because im so behind on a lot of work and starting to fear it wont get done in time. but its okay, the world will keep spinning even if i miss the deadline. the brain parasites have been NASTLY lately tho so im lowkey thinking everyone hates me. its like fine tho ik its not true

yeah.

i love spiders actually they're really cute imo. still freak out for a sec tho sometimes

no.

her bed :p

imma see if i can arrange to go to the fair with my friends!

i am NOT giving birth and i don't trust myself to raise a full ass organic kid. if i end up wanting kids i'll foster or adopt, though

only the standard ear piercings, though i wanna get more (SO many more)

idk prolly like. english im good at that stuff. math if i actually pay attention, but i hate it

nope they can suck my not-yet-existent dick

one of those ultraviolet monsters. or a code red mountain dew. anything that tastes like battery acid would do rn tbh

doubt it lol

nope

yeah bcuz i was crying and it made her cry lol

the fact that im answering a list of questions instead of getting off my ass and doing the work im so worried about

i've been told they do. working on believing it :3

ooooo i like a lot of them. anything bright and eyestrain-y

hell yeah i do 🙌

a version of my friend that wasn't actually them but like. in the dream they were. yk?

my girlfriend

not really. if it was a genuine mistake, yeah, but if it was just being shitty then hell no

forget, definitely. but i usually can forgive before i manage to forget

yeah, so far. although 2023 has some weird nostalgia to it that i don't feel anymore

13 lol

no??

this one specific brand of spicy noodles

not really for a reason, no. but i think everything that happens was supposed to, even if it doesn't necessarily affect the final outcome

painted my nails, for some reason

okay hear me out. if you are in an abusive relationship and cannot leave but find someone you love and they know you can't leave, i think it would be fine to date them. unless it's a situation like that, where you can't leave the relationship, than no.

i try not to be, although i suspect i too often speak before i think

in martial art, prolly like. idk a lot. like i said tho no street fights yet

i don't know. i don't think that how you feel about someone can be predetermined or "meant to be" everyone has differences and fights; it's up to you and your partner(s) to figure out how to deal with them.

i answered this one on an ask but i'll go with rain =]

when its good snow and not just dirty slush, yeah

i'd be happy just being in a relationship with my partner for the rest of my life without having to officially get married, but ig the tax benefits would be nice

yeahhhh lol

the people i love

not legally. the government doesn't have to know. but just in friend circles yeah, i might

not at all

(gonna remove the "opposite sex" part of these questions lol) i mean. my gf was my best friend before we were dating. she still is. but if another one of my friends told me that. uh. i would be flattered but IM MARRIED

yeah! a lot of them, actually. im very lucky

i mean the last person i talked to was one of my friends. uh.

probably also one of my friends, if you can call that a deep conversation

yes and no

yeah, in a minute. so many of them

it only goes till 60 cuz the original list skipped from 40 to 51 lol

this was not read thru and heavily unedited so uh. sorry

70 horrible questions ... Fuck it

01: Do you have a good relationship with your parents? 02: Who did you last say “I love you” to? 03: Do you regret anything? 04: Are you insecure? 05: What is your relationship status? 06: How do you want to die? 07: What did you last eat? 08: Played any sports? 09: Do you bite your nails? 10: When was your last physical fight? 11: Do you like someone? 12: Have you ever stayed up 48 hours? 13: Do you hate anyone at the moment? 14: Do you miss someone? 15: Have any pets? 16: How exactly are you feeling at the moment? 17: Ever made out in the bathroom? 18: Are you scared of spiders? 19: Would you go back in time if you were given the chance? 20: Where was the last place you snogged someone? 21: What are your plans for this weekend? 22: Do you want to have kids? How many? 23: Do you have piercings? How many? 24: What is/are/were your best subject(s)? 25: Do you miss anyone from your past? 26: What are you craving right now? 27: Have you ever broken someone’s heart? 28: Have you ever been cheated on? 29: Have you made a boyfriend/girlfriend cry? 30: What’s irritating you right now? 31: Does somebody love you? 32: What is your favourite color? 33: Do you have trust issues? 34: Who/what was your last dream about? 35: Who was the last person you cried in front of? 36: Do you give out second chances too easily? 37: Is it easier to forgive or forget? 38: Is this year the best year of your life? 39: How old were you when you had your first kiss? 40: Have you ever walked outside completely naked? 51: Favourite food? 52: Do you believe everything happens for a reason? 53: What is the last thing you did before you went to bed last night? 54: Is cheating ever okay? 55: Are you mean? 56: How many people have you fist fought? 57: Do you believe in true love? 58: Favourite weather? 59: Do you like the snow? 60: Do you wanna get married? 61: Is it cute when a boy/girl calls you baby? 62: What makes you happy? 63: Would you change your name? 64: Would it be hard to kiss the last person you kissed? 65: Your best friend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? 66: Do you have a friend of the opposite sex who you can act your complete self around? 67: Who was the last person of the opposite sex you talked to? 68: Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? 69: Do you believe in soulmates? 70: Is there anyone you would die for?

[llocket]

yeah idk what’s happening in my life

the story vv

me and the desi dude kinda hated each other cz we just didn’t like ewg other and he was kinda nice back then but now he’s like really rude and spreads rumors and shit talks about other people

so like one of my friends got a crush and they started dating and the desi dude tried to black mail and guilt trip me during lunch to tell him my friend’s crush

um eventually i had to because he threatened to spread rumors about me (he still did)

so then i learned he spread rumors about me dating one of his friends in 3rd and that i was failing 3 classes and like i sent him an email telling him to stop being so annoying

i also wrote him a letter and told the guy i was being shipped with to give it to desi dude but the guy i was being shipped with (same one in the rumors) responded to it in defense of the desi dude and proceeded to say that him and the desi dude were victims and that i had no right to be feeling uncomfortable or mad + said all my words were invalid 💀

so like when i found out about that i was so pissed off and i had to be honest with my friend and she got mad at me at first and then when the desi dude (who sat in front of me in my bus) bursted into the conversation and i lost my composure and started to rant about how he black mailed me and made up false rumors + guilt tripped me and invalidated my feelings

my friend cooked the guy so hard the bus driver asked what happened and she (the friend) told the bus driver everything and then desi dude was publically shamed

so yeah now my reputation sucks because of him and i think my friend is spreading rumors about him and when he had this obsessive crush on a girl

i haven’t recovered from it because it was in front of everyone in my bus and my NEIGHBOR is on that bus cz he goes to the same school as me…..

anyway um yeah that’s the story i probably won’t be able to see your response or anything because i won’t be able to have wifi on the cruise im on

planning to finish all 551 chapters of omniscient readers viewpoint or at least get most of it done and with my playlist i downloaded offline

cherry crush to lighten the mood

have a good day locket!!!!

sorry i can barely see i lost my glssses and idk if my autocorrect was working so i may have written gibberish

i'm so glad i'm out of highschool honestly... at least shit like this wont happen often anymore since people are going to be more mature now LOL hope you get that sorted though

and also CHERRY CRUSH!!!

[simpjaes]

ok u probably wont post this bcs it contains spoilers but i just wanna scream about ootdg!!!,!! U WROTE IT SO WELL u have outdone urself yet again simpjaes and im just so happy you exist in this world so i can read works like yours For Free (let me give you a kiss)

can i just say i fell in love with how you wrote everyone especially sunghoon and jungwon! sunghoon so honest and pliant to the love of his life would do anything everything for her *screams to my pillow* and God especially jungwon. I know jungwon isnt meant to be romantic in this fic but god the way they started flirty then progressed to being ride or die soulmates like I FEEL LIKE if she asked jungwon to be their third he would do it in a heartbeat even if it meant dealing with a seething sunghoon (and jay lol) im jus so glad with the fic cuz a lot of fics end in the other staying human and ik theres beauty in watching your loved one grow old I JUST THINK I WANT A BELLA SWAN ENDING SOMETIMES u did just that so perfectly i love you! -🖤

OOTDG SPOILERS:

i think everyone who wanted to read it has probs already read it by now so I'm not gonna worry too much about spoiler asks anymore! I WANNA TALK ABOUT MY FIC, LETS GO.

sunghoon was definitely obsessed from the moment he smelled reader come into the city for fucking reaaaaaaaal. he tried to play it cool and everything, but man, he wanted to be what she wanted and needed and intentionally released his lure just to make sure he's not forcing her ;-; i love vampy hoon, fr, he got so soft for her.

as for jungwon, i could talk about this character for ages. but yeah, in my head when i started writing jungwon, he was meant to be a semi-love interest who is entirely bisexual. which obv happened, considering i peppered the story with jay too...huh.......wonder what would've happened if sunghoon never cared for reader and it was just jaywon and reader..........brain is mush........ANYWAY, jungwon is 100% meant to be reader's platonic soulmate. one where, unlike with romantic relationships, there is no jealousy, clinging is wanted, you can talk about anything and everything, and the feelings run so fucking deep that pretty much nothing can sever them. honestly, they're meant to be life long partners in one way or the other and they'd find each other in ever universe.

it's canon that jungwon will get turned at some point by reader, because she can't bare to let him die in any other way [much like sunghoon for her].

that being said, i do not think sunghoon in this fic would find any type of beauty in watching reader grow old. he doesn't want to see her in pain, or frail, or anything like that. at current times in the fic, she's in her prime, she's confident, she loves the world around her. if he had watched her die, i genuinely think sunghoon would have managed to kill himself off too. plus, not to mention, it's not always promised that people will die of old age and this is what really pushes sunghoon. he doesn't want to never be able to hold her again because of a freak accident, or some other death she could face.

so, why not do it himself? again, she dies only to live forever, and again, reader loves being alive so ofc she was like "HEELLLLL YEAH!!!"

[strangersteddierthings]

It's been seven months since the last text from Eddie. The last text had been 'bored can we be toxic again' and Steve's told him to shut up, but also agreed.

The time before, a couple of weeks before Eddie's text, Steve had sent 'feeling self-destructive wanna help' and Eddie had said 'thats what im best at ur place or mine?'. It's what they do. Have done ever since that first time they fell into bed together, when they were both far too drunk and Steve woke up to Eddie gone. Seeing him later, Eddie acted like nothing had changed between them, so Steve did, too. If high school and college has taught Steve anything, it's that the thing he's best for is a good ol' roll in the hay. Good enough to fuck but not good enough to keep around.

Doesn't matter that Steve wants more, especially with Eddie. He knew what he was good for, back then. What Eddie thinks he's still good for now.

The text he received from Eddie, what's made Steve so contemplative at -his eye flick to the time- at 8:32 in the morning is six words, sent almost an hour ago.

[7:38am] Im in town. Wanna be toxic?

The seven months between these two texts, the last one Eddie sent and this brand new one, is filled with about 17 texts from Steve that Eddie never answered. Steve looks so desperate, reaching out repeatedly just to be ignored, but...

The thing is, Steve would like to be toxic, and self-destructive, accepting whatever scrapes Eddie's ever offered him. Steve still has those urges. But this last time. That last time, seven months ago, Eddie had been different. Steve can't quite explain how, Eddie's always been attentive, checking to make sure Steve's enjoying whatever they're doing as much as he is. But this time felt. More. It felt like... like maybe Eddie loved him, like Steve loves him. Has been in love with him, since before that first drunken night.

But then, Eddie was gone. Steve woke up alone (not surprising) and then got ghosted (very surprising).

No word from him, until now it seems.

It had fucked Steve up, though. He'd let himself believe that this time, he'd wake up to Eddie. In his (apparently delusional) post-orgasm bliss he fooled himself into thinking that everything between them would change. That Eddie felt the same. That it wasn't just a physical attraction for Eddie anymore.

What a fucking joke.

He'd broke down, sobbing on the phone to Robin. She probably broke every traffic law on her way to Steve's, getting there as fast as she had.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself," she'd whispered as she held him. "You are worth so much more than this."

"I don't... can't believe that. I don't know how."

"Then we'll work on it. Together."

So, all that to say that even though Steve wants to tell Eddie to come over, no matter his urges to still be self-destructive, he's not going to. He can't ruin everything he and Robin have achieved. He can't relapse now that his therapist has just told him he should be proud of how far he's come in half a year.

He can't. He won't.

So, he stares at the text message, takes a deep breath, and replies.

[7:38am] Im in town. Wanna be toxic? [8:36am] i cant

Eddie misunderstands, apparently, because he replies with:

[8:36am] In town about a week. Available whenever

Well. This is going to be the end of whatever friendship they'd pretended to still have, Steve is sure, but he's going to be honest. After a lot of deleting, rewording, deleting again, he settles for something short and simple.

[8:52am] no i mean i cant. i wont. u vanished from my life after making me think u finally finally loved me back and i cant do that anymore.

And then, because he thinks he'll always be his own worst enemy, he sends an immediate follow-up.

[8:52am] love me always or leave me forever

He calls Robin, then, blurting out when she picks up, "Eddie texted me. And I replied. I said- I said something I shouldn't have and now I'm freaking out because I can't. I can't, Robin! I, what if, what-"

"I'm on my way right now, just let me tell Chrissy where I'm going. What can't you do, Stevie?"

"Read his response! I shouldn't have said anything because it's gonna fuck me up no matter what he says! I shouldn't have- I should have blocked his number five months ago when he failed to respond to my final text. We have to stay on the phone. If we hang up, I'll check the text, if he even replies. Goddamnit, why do I do this to myself!?"

Chrissy ends up offering to drive Robin over so she can stay on the phone, and Steve says she should just stay over, too. He's grown close to Chrissy, as she's been Robin's girlfriend for three years now.

Robin stays on the phone with him the whole time, until she's standing directly in front of him from his spot on the floor behind his couch, legs pulled up with his arms wrapped around them, phone wedged between his ear and his shoulder. She takes his phone and hangs up before handing his phone to Chrissy.

"Can you guard this for a moment?"

"Of course," Chrissy says, giving Robin a quick kiss, which makes Steve's chest hurt with jealousy but also happiness because Robin and Chrissy are so happy with each other, and Steve's also so happy for them, "and I'll give you two a little time. I'll be napping on Steve's bed, probably."

Robin laughs and Chrissy heads down the short hallway to Steve's bedroom.

"Alright Dingus," Robin drops down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him towards her until he huddles down and drops his head onto her shoulder. "I'm here. However you need me."

"The text. He asked to hookup. And I- I ended up saying no and telling him I can't do that anymore but instead of just. Fucking ending the conversation there, I told him to either love me or leave me and I'm so stupid. I was doing so good!"

"Hey, no, you aren't stupid. You're just... just a boy in love. That's enough to make anyone do things they regret. When you're ready, and if Eddie replied, I'll read it first. Try and gauge how you'll feel about it, and we can go from there."

Steve nods his head against her shoulder. He doesn't know really which will be worse, Eddie responding or him ghosting again. He just knows that either will hurt and he's not ready to deal with that yet.

[flwrkisses]

txt's reaction to their partner receiving hate comments.

i have started spring semester of college and i already want to d word! but i start my new job next week so pretty excited for that.

genre: angst and some fluff, established relationship.

warnings: mentions of mean comments towards reader.

✧*:･ﾟyeonjun

he wont put up with it, theres a line and boundaries that he placed as soon as your relationship went public and a wave of hate comment is definitely crossing the line. he can't stand to know that people who are supposed to be his fans are making you feel bad online.

the way he'd handle it is simple, he'd get so pissed he'd probably turn off comments to all of his posts on instagram and minimize his postings and interactions on apps like twitter or weverse.

this man doesn't play. he's serious about you, your mental health and wellbeing. if people who claim to be fans of his are being rude to you, he's limiting and  illuminating the problem completely.

maybe the company ask him to go live on vlive, and when people start asking why his post comments are turned off he might just go off. probably let everyone know in nice words because he is an idol after all that he isnt happy with the way people are talking about you. putting it simply.

once time has past and he thinks people on line learned their lesson, he'd probably return his social media to normal but if it happens again he would probably write on weverse about how its not cool to say mean things online especially about you.

✧*:･ﾟsoobin

i feel like soobin is a bit more detached from social media so he might not notice at first what is going on. of course you don't want to bother him with your hardships since he's so busy so you don't bring it to his attention either.

he probably finds out because another member showed him what is being said about you. it really bothers him once he knows and his first thought is to comfort you.

part of him feels like he can't stop the comments because, he's just one person so he goes directly to you to comfort you. he tries to see if the company can protect you with the same protections they have for him and the rest of the group. he would probably want to sue everyone commenting for spreading false rumors and/or hating on you.

he probably writes a good sized paragraph about it on weverse. he'd highlight how his fans should love you too because he loves you. he also talks about how its not fair the way that you're being spoken about and how he doesn't want to hear about or see it anymore.

he continues to post like normal but he will monitor the replies and comments a bit more to make sure there isnt anything nasty about you and if he finds something it's being blocked and reported.

✧*:･ﾟbeomgyu

oh!!! he's so upset when he finds out! like he's not sure if you've seen the comments yet or not but, he will literally be so upset. he trusted his fans with the information of being in a relationship and who you where and he felt defeated if he's being honest.

he wants to handle it on his own, hoping that he can get it all resolved before you even notice. but, yknow it doesn't turn out that way considering you see his posts.

he'll probably post a selfie on twitter with a meaningful caption about how if the fans love him they would love you as well. part of it backfires because like it doesn't seem serious.

although it makes you chuckle, you have to be the one to break it to him, telling him that people might not take him seriously about the situation, to which he would probably add another tweet replying to his tweet about how he's serious.

it got laughs out of you, and later on he too chuckled at his failed attempt to get people to stop talking about you which... i mean kinda worked considering he's being clowned and not you? which he actually prefers?

✧*:･ﾟtaehyun

much like yeonjun he's not having it. as soon as it's brought to his attention he's shutting it down completely. with how often he gets on weverse to talk to fans i think he would talk about it there.

probably write a long extensive paragraph about feelings and how even his fans have to respect eachother and his partner's feelings because in the end it hurts his feelings too.

over all it's a very sweet message that he uses to get people to stop being nasty to eachother and you. it actually works! especially since after he went to reply to some fans who were leaving back handed compliments.

he knows he could get in trouble with the company for being so direct and so quick to defend you, but again thats the same with most things.

he checks in on your constantly, and checks every couple of days to see if people are respecting both you and him.

✧*:･ﾟhueningkai

if you think he wouldn't notice you're wrong. kai quickly caught on with the comments made about his sister, and he would be quick to catch on to the ones made about you.

in his head he knows there isn't much he can do with company limitations considering he would want to tell everyone off. but he would be with you and always tell you such nice things.

he'll probably go on live and be visibly annoyed but beat around the bush like he does. i don't see kai as a big confrontational guy so he probably talks around the point until he can't anymore.

he probably talks about how much comments can hurt people and thats when fans know that he's talking about you and the comments being made about you.

he probably feels great after the live. he doesn't care who's upset with him for saying the truth but he wanted to protect you regardless.

❁ requests are currently closed! ⤞ i am working on your beautiful requests !

for more of my work: masterlist.

enjoy!

- mari x

[naokyunnn]

this dude name shinichiro sano keeps on following you around, telling you he likes you and if you want to go out on a date with him.

you declined, he’s not your type anyways he looks plain and weak you thought.

well, you’re too early to judge because what’s this you found out about him? mf is a gang leader of the top gang in japan right now, not just a leader but he’s also the founder.

“y/n!!! hey wait up! Hey!” the man with the lame hairstyle chases—appearing again out of nowhere “what. the. fuck. do. you. want. sano?” you said slowly facing him but to your surprise you saw him with alot of bruises, nose bleeding and uniform almost missing all of its buttons “the hell happen to you? Shin!?!!” thank god you were just close to him to catch his weak body, finally giving in— he’s still in conscious tho mumbling that a gang folded him and he’s just by himself.

you’re quick to tell him to just shut up and that you dont need an explanation because it’s literally obvious that he got beaten up.

you piggy back him, tho he’s taller and its hard for you to move forward because of his heavy body fully relaxed on your back, while he’s giving you directions to where he lives— not complaining anymore because you just really wanna take him home and treat his wounds.

“t-there…..thats my house” his weak arms pointed at the house just a few feet away, you take all of your energy to just walk there and enter the gate.

welcomed by a little boy with a blonde hair “brother!! what happened?!?” he exclaimed as he runs towards to the dude behind you “hey kid, you can worry later tell me where to put him down” you said almost taking a knee because you’ve been carrying him for awhile and your legs almost giving in. he lead you to shinichiro’s separated lounge.

you quickly put him down on his bed, and sit on the floor for awhile, breathing heavy “fuck…..i left my bag on that street…” you mumbled, face palming yourself “kid, you got first aid kit?” u looked up to his probably a brother because they kinda have the same eyes too “i have a name, my name is mikey” the kid sass “well im sorry mikey i didn’t know, now get me the first aid” you rolled your eyes playfully, he just do what he told

you sat shinichiro up, leaning him on his head board, and putting his bangs aside though its quite chunky because of the gel he’s been using to slick his hair back— you clean his wounds and patch it up while he just sleeps he’s really knocked out.

“sano you’re really weak” you chuckled as if he’s listening

you took a minute to admire his sleeping face, and realized that he’s not that actually bad……his hairstyle it is that made him look like a dork

“i know you wanna kiss me” the man surprises you, he suddenly spoke— “just kidding”he chuckled. “thanks y/n….for treating my wounds and taking me home” his voice hoarse and it honestly to attractive.

“yea whatever….. i gotta go, i left my bag on the street i need to go back and grab it” you got up and fixed your skirt and suddenly felt him get up too “hey what are you doing? stay down” you grab him by his shoulder and forced him down— “i dont care y/n, its dark outside you cant be going alone, night time is mostly gang hours its not safe” sitting on his bed looking up at you— you want to protest and just let him rest but at the same time the thought of being jumped by men is fucking scary “plus you might get jumped like me you know— dont want that to happen, i got a motorcycle anyways so lets ride okay? will that work?”

you ended up on his bike, hands around his waist and his helmet on your head— him saying that you need the helmet more than him. both of you go back to that street and grab your bag, thank god its still there.

then he drop you off your place— you got off the bike slightly struggling to take off the helmet, he chuckled at your annoyed face “c’mere let me help you” as he tug u by the strap of the helmet and effortlessly took it off “thanks” you said and he just nod with a smile on his face— you turned your back to him with a smile and head to your door.

“hey y/n, one last thing” he spoke, you swift your attention to him giving a little hum— “i’ll ask you once again, can i take you on a date? you know…..as a thanks too because thats a lot of work back there” he reasoned—

“my, my shinichiro you really wont give up huh?” you chuckled, shaking your head slightly— you looked at him and he’s still wearing his smile on his sore bruised face, patiently waiting for your sweet answer

“yea of course, ill go out with you shin!” you responded— music to shinichiro ears, to be honest he just wanted to scream and squeal but he’ll save it for later— “right— right then see you tomorrow at 5pm??” he managed to say, you nod already twisting your door knob “see you tomorrow, fix your hair by the way” you waved before going in— he nod and giggle about it then you shut the door.

leaning on it— eyes closing and giving in a wide smile

“he’s…….he’s not that bad at all” you mumbled— hiding your face on your palm, unaware of your burning cheeks

because for awhile you forgot about his weaknesses, his occupation, that lame ass hairstyle too— that overall didn’t matter at all.

because tomorrow you’ll be waking up knowing that you actually just fall for shinichiro and you’re going on a date with him after school.

[fuwushiguro]

Guys I'm sorry to get everyone's hopes up with the kinktober masterlist but I really have zero desire to write anymore lmao. I fully just am not enjoying it. I haven't posted in a while until last night for day one but I wrote that fic back in March in preparation of kinktober. Us writers put so much work and effort into our fics and blogs but kinktober is an especially heavy time. Say thank you to your favourite writers for working so hard for you. I just simply cannot do it I really can't lmao I'm sick of writing. It's not because of lack of traction or anything I just feel like my life is being stunted because of an obligation to my blog and fics and writing and honestly it's not fair to myself and realistically it isn't fair to you guys since if I keep forcing myself to write everything I post will be average at best. I'm not saying I'm not gonna write ever again but I absolutely need to not be so concerned with Tumblr anymore. The way the hype and electricity of the dash has died an epic death is just really sad. I miss seeing my besties getting thousands of notes and endless praise. I miss everyone geeking out over their favourite characters and shows. I just miss how things were last year to be honest this year has been really boring and tragic. I've been trying to hang on to see if things would pick up when all of the new shows returned or started this month but I genuinely don't care at the minute lmao. I'm not looking after myself how I deserve. I'm not sleeping enough or getting enough outdoor time. I legitimately need to touch some grass. Like I said, this might not be forever but I just want to give myself the chance and a fair shot of trying to live my life without worrying what my followers will think or if I'm letting you guys down. I hate constantly having a niggle in the back of my mind that I should be writing. I owe you guys content. I owe my followers my constant attention and energy. I can't do that anymore I just want a break. I'll probably still be around reblogging fics or art or shit posts but I am not writing anything anymore for the time being and I'm definitely not rushing writing to meet kinktober due dates. Especially with the abysmal traction at the minute, it's really not worth it.

Hope u guys understand anyway, thanks ily <3

TLDR; i need a break. kinktober low key cancelled. might pick it up in future. i wont be writing for a while but i will still be around :)