#and i was honest and said that it probably wont work anymore

[aaami]

I’m so annoyed 🙃

[barrenclan]

i actually love this ending, and not just bc there are survivors. it just works, thematically and by subverting everyone's (characters and audiences) expectations

like. i can already see comments on dA when (if) you post in on there. people getting vocally annoyed over it being 'weak' ending and 'not enough death for Defiance' and all. but this isnt about blood and gut showers for shock value, just to fill up the quota about it being about death. it really shows that Deepdark is more than that, even with how he flaunts himself in that.

even the characters expected a bloodbath. BarrenClan to die (physically) and Defiance to kill. Ranger is most vocal about it. and they all fail to really see how Deepdark views it, and for him, it seems like blood must be shed tastefully. it needs reason and design, not just spill it like some brute (like Longest-Claws in his eyes). it really shows that most animals joining Defiance expects mindless bloodspill and no consequences for it. Deepdark remind them, probably not the only time, that that's not how he does and not what he expects of them (as shown with Ranger's punishment).

and really, that does defy the expectations. the defiance of expectations (i know you dont like the 'the' before Defiance, but i hope its okay in this context). we and they expect guts ripped out of the cats and flood their camp with viscera. Deepdark sees more art in showing them mercy, sick twisted mercy as they know next time he wont show it. and they dont know when will be the 'next time'. it could be next week, or next month, or maybe in few hours he will change his mind.

that's the kicker. that's the fear, that is more powerful than just killing them all. because if they are dead, they cant be afraid anymore of what Deepdark will do next. the killing has reason and no reason, but so does mercy. adrenaline from killing and fighting will fade overtime, but the fear of your life after being spared by such force will last forever.

Thank you! And have no fear, PATFW will never be going up on DeviantArt, at least not any more than an announcement post that it exists. As I said a year ago, I've been a bit nervous for the end of this arc because it's such a subversion from what everyone expected, and always hoped it wouldn't come off like an anticlimax, because it's what I've always had in mind for the end of the comic.

(Ha, "relatively soon"? It's like I never learn.)

But I did try and establish Deepdark's personality and motivations as someone entirely unpredictable, but not automatically homicidal. He said in Issue 38 that he would spare BarrenClan if Pinepaw gave an answer he liked - and he did! That was always an option, but the tension came from how impossible it is to predict what Deepdark would do, which is exactly what Pinepaw was experiencing in the issue.

And besides... if I'm being honest, I never wanted to write a comic that ends with everyone dead and everything horrible forever. There's nothing wrong with stories like that - I enjoy quite a few - but it's not personally something I'd write. There can be horror, tragedy, fear, even dourness and gloom constantly haunting the narrative, but it's never the whole of it.

[mewtwoandme]

Alright, a bit of an update regarding the arc....unfortunately not a good update in my opinion.

I don't think I'm going to finish all of Blu's Arc in time for Christmas :(

I tried...I really did, I thought I could, but honestly, I should've known better. Getting 3 major parts completely finished and ready to post with less than a month left??? Yeah, I dont think that's happening. Plus, with it being the holidays, things have been busy IRL with family, work, and all that "fun" stuff. Perhaps I may have been a bit too ambitious. I haven't been getting my right sleep either for the last couple of weeks, so that's been interfering with my motivation and ability to draw during the only times I'm able. Now I know I've said many, many times that it's okay if Blu is late and doesn't actually arrive by real-time Christmas, that's still fine. If he's late, then he's late. If he comes in January or February, it won't matter. He'll still be a winter baby, at least, and his birthday will still be on Christmas in the story, so be it. But...this was more of a personal goal I wanted to set for myself, and I kinda feel a little disappointed in myself that I likely won't be able to meet it...

And let's be honest...I'm not the fastest artist XD I'm slow as hell when it comes to making comics. It's taken me weeks to a month to just get ONE out on a few occasions (usually, that was because they were very long, but still).

I'm saying all this now just so ya'll won't be disappointed later, most of you probably seen this coming anyway XD I think it's safe to say I wont be focusing on the Christmas deadline anymore, but I'm still gonna try to get the arc finished in a reasonable amount of time, without disregarding my health of course ^^

[captainimfangirling]

The Boys Season 4 Episode 7

I lied. I stayed up until 2 am waiting for this episode to stream but I'm actually surprised it was better than the last one.

Warning: Major Spoilers.

A-Train

I didn't like A-Train but know I do. Good for him for doing the right thing and becoming an actual super hero. Not sure if this will be a popular opinion or not but I don't think his deed is done. After he hides his family I think he should come back and finish the job with The Boys. They sure can use him. Also he shouldn't be running off after what he told M.M. because he would be a hypocrite.

Butcher

My gut feeling tells me Joe Kessler is going to take over after Butcher passed out. Like we thought Butcher was going to do the right thing at the end but sadly not when Kessler takes over. I think if he does take over Butcher Starlight will figure it out because she heard that name. Also what was the f*cking point of making him cheat on Becca?! I mean I didn't ship them or anything and I know he was a asshole and a drunk but still I feel like they added that so we start hating on Butcher. Is Butcher (or Kessler) going to do something really f*cked up? Like kill Ryan? I've always said Kessler is like the comic book Butcher influencing TV Butcher and he's probably going to kill Ryan like he did in the comic books.

Hughie & Starlight

Because of what happened to Hughie last episode the shapeshifter tricking him into having sex with "Starlight" made me very uncomfortable. I mean I get the show is supposed to be f*cked up but wow give the guy some time to breathe. I'm scared for Starlight and I hope they give Hughie a chance to save her. I think that's all he wanted to do last season because he couldn't save Robin. I don't think it was all about Starlight being stronger than him.

Kimiko & Frenchie

Yup like I said both of them have so much in common and can heal together. I love that we finally get a backstory of why Kimiko can't talk. She had to be silent as she killed other girls in order to live so she was never able to speak again. To be honest I don't get what the point was about Frenchie turning himself in. Are we supposed to see his as his redemption and all is forgiven because he did the right thing?

The Deep

To be honest I'm not surprised The Deep broke Ambrosius' tank and let her die. The Deep always used and abused women. He didn't change at all. He finally got a taste of his own medicine when he found out about Sage and this time it's the correct way (the wrong way was him getting sexually assaulted in season one). Anyway did anyone know Ambrosius was voiced by Tilda Swinton because I for as hell didn't.

Black Noir 2 & Sage

Black Noir 2 was hilarious in this episode. I wonder if The Boys are going to figure out that he's is a different supe because they saw him talk and fly. I mean they would've known about Earving condition from Mallory, right? I think they should start a rumor about Black Noir being replaced so conspiracy theories fan would believe it. I always knew Sage had a sexual relationship with Black Noir 2 but didn't think she was going to break his heart. My poor baby. I love how she didn't have to lobotomize herself to have sex with him like The Deep. I'm so mad at Homelander for firing her but it's probably for the best if you want her to be redeemed or work with The Boys. I think she really was going to help Homelander but when she realized he wont actually listen to her she doesn't give a damn about the plan anymore and will probably help The Boys if she's hasn't given up on anyone listening to her.

Homelander, Firecracker, and Ryan

I am so proud of Ryan but I am also scared for him. Yeah Homelander didn't mean it at all when he told Ryan he can do whatever he wants. Homelander only wants Ryan to listen to him. I think Ryan is finally understanding. I have a feeling there's going to be son and father argument and Ryan is going to say I thought you said I can do whatever the f*ck I want but I guess you didn't mean it. What was that notebook Sage put on the table? I hope it belongs to Firecracker and it exposes her. Like how she writes down her plans of manipulating Homelander and step one was the breast milk. I keep saying oh this or that is going to push Homelander over the edge but when the hell is that going to happen? Next season? Because I for sure thought Homelander was finally going to go crazy and act like a god he thinks he is after the bad room episode but the next episode he's drinking titty milk from Firecracker and the episode after that he's manipulated into firing Sage who actually had everything figured out for him.

Mother's Milk

You know what M.M. getting skinny actually makes sense. Maybe he wasn't eating right because of all the stress. I know the actor wanted to lose weight but they should've written it into the plot. Anyway I'm happy he tried to save his ex-wife and daughter but A-Train is right. They wont be safe until they stop Homelander. That's why I think A-Train will come back.

Victoria

I don't care for her to be honest. I thought she was more interesting and fun when I thought she was going to be just as ruthless as Homeladner. I think they're trying to make her sympathetic so we can compare her relationship with her daughter and Homelander's relationship with Ryan.

Ashley

I adore her and this is the first time I'm saying that. She's right that Vought turns people evil. I've always said this. I think all supes were like Starlight at one point even Homelander (watch the cartoon series and see) wanted to be a real hero but Vought messed them up very badly. She's just too scared to leave. I hope she does the right thing at the end.

[capseycartwright]

i think i probably wont post this in full because the middle bit feels so deeply personal and Mine and i don’t think i want to share it in its totality but i’m proud of this opener. So here’s some more sappy prose.

it’s five am, and we’re on a tram, and even though we are utterly exhausted, we’re still talking, like we’ve been talking all night now - about life, and love - and despite the fact the tram is entirely empty, the very first of the day, we’re sitting side by side, your shoulder pressed against mine.

i don’t always find it easy to be honest but with you i always seem to find a way to spill my guts - and i guess that’s because i want you to know me, really know me, and you tell me your secrets and i tell you mine and it feels special, to know that you trust me with the reality of who you are and that i can trust you with all of me.

somewhere between the party that we left, the sun not far off coming up as we said our goodbyes, and the tram stop where we continued our shared journey home, something changed between us - that sounds dramatic, i know, but we’ve been on the precipice of something for so long now and as you guided us to the tram, willingly accepting my excuse that i was too tired for my contacts to work properly anymore, nudging me down unfamiliar winding streets without complaint and a gentle guiding hand on my arm, something really did change - and for the better.

[strangersteddierthings]

It's been seven months since the last text from Eddie. The last text had been 'bored can we be toxic again' and Steve's told him to shut up, but also agreed.

The time before, a couple of weeks before Eddie's text, Steve had sent 'feeling self-destructive wanna help' and Eddie had said 'thats what im best at ur place or mine?'. It's what they do. Have done ever since that first time they fell into bed together, when they were both far too drunk and Steve woke up to Eddie gone. Seeing him later, Eddie acted like nothing had changed between them, so Steve did, too. If high school and college has taught Steve anything, it's that the thing he's best for is a good ol' roll in the hay. Good enough to fuck but not good enough to keep around.

Doesn't matter that Steve wants more, especially with Eddie. He knew what he was good for, back then. What Eddie thinks he's still good for now.

The text he received from Eddie, what's made Steve so contemplative at -his eye flick to the time- at 8:32 in the morning is six words, sent almost an hour ago.

[7:38am] Im in town. Wanna be toxic?

The seven months between these two texts, the last one Eddie sent and this brand new one, is filled with about 17 texts from Steve that Eddie never answered. Steve looks so desperate, reaching out repeatedly just to be ignored, but...

The thing is, Steve would like to be toxic, and self-destructive, accepting whatever scrapes Eddie's ever offered him. Steve still has those urges. But this last time. That last time, seven months ago, Eddie had been different. Steve can't quite explain how, Eddie's always been attentive, checking to make sure Steve's enjoying whatever they're doing as much as he is. But this time felt. More. It felt like... like maybe Eddie loved him, like Steve loves him. Has been in love with him, since before that first drunken night.

But then, Eddie was gone. Steve woke up alone (not surprising) and then got ghosted (very surprising).

No word from him, until now it seems.

It had fucked Steve up, though. He'd let himself believe that this time, he'd wake up to Eddie. In his (apparently delusional) post-orgasm bliss he fooled himself into thinking that everything between them would change. That Eddie felt the same. That it wasn't just a physical attraction for Eddie anymore.

What a fucking joke.

He'd broke down, sobbing on the phone to Robin. She probably broke every traffic law on her way to Steve's, getting there as fast as she had.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself," she'd whispered as she held him. "You are worth so much more than this."

"I don't... can't believe that. I don't know how."

"Then we'll work on it. Together."

So, all that to say that even though Steve wants to tell Eddie to come over, no matter his urges to still be self-destructive, he's not going to. He can't ruin everything he and Robin have achieved. He can't relapse now that his therapist has just told him he should be proud of how far he's come in half a year.

He can't. He won't.

So, he stares at the text message, takes a deep breath, and replies.

[7:38am] Im in town. Wanna be toxic? [8:36am] i cant

Eddie misunderstands, apparently, because he replies with:

[8:36am] In town about a week. Available whenever

Well. This is going to be the end of whatever friendship they'd pretended to still have, Steve is sure, but he's going to be honest. After a lot of deleting, rewording, deleting again, he settles for something short and simple.

[8:52am] no i mean i cant. i wont. u vanished from my life after making me think u finally finally loved me back and i cant do that anymore.

And then, because he thinks he'll always be his own worst enemy, he sends an immediate follow-up.

[8:52am] love me always or leave me forever

He calls Robin, then, blurting out when she picks up, "Eddie texted me. And I replied. I said- I said something I shouldn't have and now I'm freaking out because I can't. I can't, Robin! I, what if, what-"

"I'm on my way right now, just let me tell Chrissy where I'm going. What can't you do, Stevie?"

"Read his response! I shouldn't have said anything because it's gonna fuck me up no matter what he says! I shouldn't have- I should have blocked his number five months ago when he failed to respond to my final text. We have to stay on the phone. If we hang up, I'll check the text, if he even replies. Goddamnit, why do I do this to myself!?"

Chrissy ends up offering to drive Robin over so she can stay on the phone, and Steve says she should just stay over, too. He's grown close to Chrissy, as she's been Robin's girlfriend for three years now.

Robin stays on the phone with him the whole time, until she's standing directly in front of him from his spot on the floor behind his couch, legs pulled up with his arms wrapped around them, phone wedged between his ear and his shoulder. She takes his phone and hangs up before handing his phone to Chrissy.

"Can you guard this for a moment?"

"Of course," Chrissy says, giving Robin a quick kiss, which makes Steve's chest hurt with jealousy but also happiness because Robin and Chrissy are so happy with each other, and Steve's also so happy for them, "and I'll give you two a little time. I'll be napping on Steve's bed, probably."

Robin laughs and Chrissy heads down the short hallway to Steve's bedroom.

"Alright Dingus," Robin drops down beside him, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him towards her until he huddles down and drops his head onto her shoulder. "I'm here. However you need me."

"The text. He asked to hookup. And I- I ended up saying no and telling him I can't do that anymore but instead of just. Fucking ending the conversation there, I told him to either love me or leave me and I'm so stupid. I was doing so good!"

"Hey, no, you aren't stupid. You're just... just a boy in love. That's enough to make anyone do things they regret. When you're ready, and if Eddie replied, I'll read it first. Try and gauge how you'll feel about it, and we can go from there."

Steve nods his head against her shoulder. He doesn't know really which will be worse, Eddie responding or him ghosting again. He just knows that either will hurt and he's not ready to deal with that yet.

[reiningsoral]

sticky-note stories: dont try suicide! (nobody's worth it)

(or, 3 times vesper was talked down and 1 time she talked someone else down)

a/n: tw for suicide, drug abuse, guns in a suicidal way, bad mental health, the works. idk been reading a lot of sadboy deadpool fanfic lately and im procrastinating doing my english final research paper

---

1:

Vesper was twenty-two years old and standing atop a rooftop, contemplating her life after leaving the Hero Institute. she leaned forward over the edge experimentally. She sort of wished somebody would stop her.

She kicked a rock off the roof, weighing how painful it'd be to die via hitting the pavement vs being shot in the head.

She elected the rooftop was less painful. Probably.

"Ah, hero trash. Was wonderin' who was stupid enough to stand over the edge of this building like that." A vigilante had landed behind Vesper, and she hadnt noticed. Damn, she really was losing it.

"Uh, hi... Carrion, right?" Vesper eyed the vigilante with a sort of wariness only someone who'd been a hero since they could throw a punch had.

the vigilante shrugged. "meh, sorta, been changin' it up a bit lately, probably gonna go with 'Fox' now."

Vesper nodded. "right. so... what're you doing... up here?"

Fox raised an eyebrow, "apart from the occasional mugging prevention, uh, i'm makin' sure you don't kill yourself."

Vesper blinked. "I wasnt gonna-"

"yeah you were. i know a suicidal when i see one." Fox tapped her temple and winked, "takes one to know one, y'know?"

Vesper exhaled, crossing her arms. "..yeah," she muttered.

Fox clicked her tongue, "so, what brings you to the lovely rooftop of a failing business building at this lovely time of night? other than trying to kill yourself."

"Ah..." Vesper's face scrunched to the side, like she was trying to recall why she was up there. "Lotta stuff, if im being entirely honest. left the institute, i wanna die a little, i have no income, im alone, i miss my teens.." she trailed off.

Fox grinned, tilting her head. "left the bastard group, eh? nice."

"i just couldnt stand them anymore, you know? had to walk out. i just... i wish i couldve taken the kids with me.. god, i'm an awful pseudo-parent..." she groaned, dragging her hands down her face, "if i end up regretting this i really will jump."

"awww, but then i wouldnt be able to see your pretty face anymore," Fox bemoaned with faux-sadness.

Vesper found herself smiling at the vigilante's playful banter. "oh, guess i'll have to live then. for you."

"I'm honored." Fox looked at Vesper fully. "if you need an apartment, i can get you one, i have.. uh, connections."

"damn, thanks." Vesper looked at the street below her, "yeah, i think i'll take you up on that one, actually. just, uh, until i can... yeah."

"sure, landlord wont ask questions, anyway." Fox handed Vesper a piece of paper (did she just have those on her??) with an address on it. "here, just, like.... dont fuck it up too bad in there."

Vesper nodded. "sure, pinky promise."

****

2:

dont touch the bottle of pills, dont touch the bottle of pills, dont fucking touch the bottle of pills-

Vesper threw a shampoo bottle at the bottle of xanax on her bathroom sink. she flipped it off, like that would fix a single problem she had.

she stared blankly at the bottle on the floor and picked it up again. she opened the bottle and poured the entire thing into her hand.

fuck, it would be so easy to just take them all. she closed her hand around the pills.

breathe in, breathe out.

she opened her hand- breathe in,

she closed it again- breathe out.

her phone rang. she picked it up off the floor and pressed the speaker.

"..'llo?" she mumbled.

"hey, it's Fox- what the fuck? why'dya sound like that?" Fox's voice filled the bathroom with that same almost accusatory but also like she was talking to her childhood bestfriend.

"...like wha...t?"

"like you're about to kill yourself," Fox said plainly. "are you about to kill yourself?" Vesper couldnt see Fox's face but she knew she was raising a judgemental eyebrow.

"no," Vesper lied. "maybe."

"well, dont do that, then. I was gonna grab food later and bring you some on patrol." Vesper heard the sound of a car door closing from Fox's end.

"uh," Vesper replied dumbly. "im... in the bathroom." not related to what they were talking about, vesper knew that, and Fox knew that, but she didnt say anything anyway.

"and uh... im holding like twenty-something xanax pills in my hand." she looked at her hand. "how fast would i die?"

"dunno. frankly im not interested in findin' out," Fox said, like they were talking about what would happen if she flushed a pencil case down the toilet. "anyway, what did you want later? im at that weird, mostly just fried stuff stall in that one alley." she kept talking like she knew Vesper would be alive later.

Vesper blinked at her phone. "uh... i dunno. whatever, i guess."

"cool. see you at seven?" Fox sounded like she already knew the answer.

"yeah. see you."

click, the line went dead, and Vesper stared at the pills.

then she funneled them back into the bottle, screwed the cap on, and put it back on her sink.

****

3:

Vesper lay, sprawled out, on the rooftop of one of the highest buildings in the city, a gun clasped loosely between her fingers.

she hadnt pulled the trigger yet, but she was considering it. the stars were pretty, so she'd just been looking at the sky.

man, she really thought those meds would work. bummer.

she sat up and pulled the gun into her lap, staring at it.

it was actually funny how easy it'd be to pull the trigger right then. honestly with her luck, though, it would probably somehow jam or be out of bullets and not do anything.

so she was sort of just... thinking about it. she wanted to pull the trigger, but was afraid that nothing would happen, and then she'd have to deal with still being alive even after attempting again. so she didnt pull it, but god she wanted to.

like.... schrödinger's suicide. or something.

she huffed. nevermind, that was stupid.

she put the barrel of the gun in her mouth and just sat there, teeth biting down on the warm metal of the gun, contemplating life.

"again, are you fucking serious?" Fox startled Vesper with her near-silent entrance.

Vesper took the gun out of her mouth. "what? i didnt do anything."

Fox sighed. "i thought we were past this. dont you have some scruffy street kid that you're tryna' lure home or somethin'?" Fox crossed her arms, "what was it, Mai?"

"uh, i guess." Vesper shrugged, spinning the gun around her finger.

"...yeah, no. i'm takin' that." Fox snatched the gun out of Vesper's hand and clicked the safety on. "anyway, what else is goin' on?"

"you mean aside from contemplating life?"

"yeah."

"not much."

the two stared at each other. vesper cracked first.

"i was talking to the kid earlier and she's just so... i dunno, something. kinda made me wanna die again."

"so you're up here instead of adopting that kid? makes perfect sense." Fox rolled her eyes, "listen, you're not stupid, Poison, you know that. dont kill yourself. you've gotten this far, yeah? why go now?"

Vesper groaned. "fuck you, man... i guess." she squinted at Fox, "you're annoying."

"i know, it's my best quality.

Vesper flipped her off. Fox stuck up her finger in return.

****

+1:

Vesper hummed the tune of the music that was always playing near her favorite food stall as she meandered along the rooftops of the undercity.

not much was going on that night, hardly a mugging or robbery to stop that Fox hadn't already gotten to. she frowned slightly, picturing the dumb little leader board the two had set up in an abandoned warehouse, displaying how many crimes either had prevented.

she was pretty sure Fox was winning by like, seven now.

bitch.

Vesper huffed, chucking a piece of concrete off the side of the building and watching it shatter as it hit the ground.

she looked around boredly and saw a figure on the rooftop Vesper had almost jumped from a couple months ago.

"oh, fuck," she muttered, moving quickly, "that's bad."

--

Vesper landed on the rooftop gently, but loud enough so the kid would hear her coming.

"Mai?" Vesper said gently, "what're you doing up here?"

Mai shrugged, "the usual. contemplating life, dreading existentially, uh. wanting to die, same old, same old."

"weren't even gonna leave me a note?" Vesper crossed her arms, "im hurt."

Mai rolled her eyes. "oh, please, you hardly know me."

"doesnt mean i dont care about you." Vesper stood next to Mai. "you're not too shabby, y'know."

Mai huffed. "thanks."

"no problem, kid, it's what i do." Vesper smiled at her. Mai said nothing. "..you know," Vesper started, Mai glanced at her. "...I almost jumped here, too. few months ago."

the kid tried to hide it, but Vesper saw Mai's eyebrows shoot up.

"was not doing great then. hell, im still not doing too great now."

Mai chewed her lip. "so.. why um, what.. stopped you?"

"well, a lot of things. but mostly the thought that it'd be sorta pointless."

Mai's nose scrunched up. "pointless?"

"pointless," Vesper confirmed. "killing myself isnt gonna do anything. it wont fix this shit, it's not gonna magically make every problem that makes me wanna die just go away. a permanent 'solution' to a temporary problem is just, well, dumb."

Mai blinked. "oh," she said.

"mhm." Vesper nodded, "do you want some food?"

Mai shrugged.

"you wanna hot drink?"

Mai shrugged again.

"...you wanna come to my apartment and sleep in a real bed?"

Mai stared at the street and slowly nodded once.

"cool, let's go."

[llocket]

yeah idk what’s happening in my life

the story vv

me and the desi dude kinda hated each other cz we just didn’t like ewg other and he was kinda nice back then but now he’s like really rude and spreads rumors and shit talks about other people

so like one of my friends got a crush and they started dating and the desi dude tried to black mail and guilt trip me during lunch to tell him my friend’s crush

um eventually i had to because he threatened to spread rumors about me (he still did)

so then i learned he spread rumors about me dating one of his friends in 3rd and that i was failing 3 classes and like i sent him an email telling him to stop being so annoying

i also wrote him a letter and told the guy i was being shipped with to give it to desi dude but the guy i was being shipped with (same one in the rumors) responded to it in defense of the desi dude and proceeded to say that him and the desi dude were victims and that i had no right to be feeling uncomfortable or mad + said all my words were invalid 💀

so like when i found out about that i was so pissed off and i had to be honest with my friend and she got mad at me at first and then when the desi dude (who sat in front of me in my bus) bursted into the conversation and i lost my composure and started to rant about how he black mailed me and made up false rumors + guilt tripped me and invalidated my feelings

my friend cooked the guy so hard the bus driver asked what happened and she (the friend) told the bus driver everything and then desi dude was publically shamed

so yeah now my reputation sucks because of him and i think my friend is spreading rumors about him and when he had this obsessive crush on a girl

i haven’t recovered from it because it was in front of everyone in my bus and my NEIGHBOR is on that bus cz he goes to the same school as me…..

anyway um yeah that’s the story i probably won’t be able to see your response or anything because i won’t be able to have wifi on the cruise im on

planning to finish all 551 chapters of omniscient readers viewpoint or at least get most of it done and with my playlist i downloaded offline

cherry crush to lighten the mood

have a good day locket!!!!

sorry i can barely see i lost my glssses and idk if my autocorrect was working so i may have written gibberish

i'm so glad i'm out of highschool honestly... at least shit like this wont happen often anymore since people are going to be more mature now LOL hope you get that sorted though

and also CHERRY CRUSH!!!

[flwrkisses]

txt's reaction to their partner receiving hate comments.

i have started spring semester of college and i already want to d word! but i start my new job next week so pretty excited for that.

genre: angst and some fluff, established relationship.

warnings: mentions of mean comments towards reader.

✧*:･ﾟyeonjun

he wont put up with it, theres a line and boundaries that he placed as soon as your relationship went public and a wave of hate comment is definitely crossing the line. he can't stand to know that people who are supposed to be his fans are making you feel bad online.

the way he'd handle it is simple, he'd get so pissed he'd probably turn off comments to all of his posts on instagram and minimize his postings and interactions on apps like twitter or weverse.

this man doesn't play. he's serious about you, your mental health and wellbeing. if people who claim to be fans of his are being rude to you, he's limiting and  illuminating the problem completely.

maybe the company ask him to go live on vlive, and when people start asking why his post comments are turned off he might just go off. probably let everyone know in nice words because he is an idol after all that he isnt happy with the way people are talking about you. putting it simply.

once time has past and he thinks people on line learned their lesson, he'd probably return his social media to normal but if it happens again he would probably write on weverse about how its not cool to say mean things online especially about you.

✧*:･ﾟsoobin

i feel like soobin is a bit more detached from social media so he might not notice at first what is going on. of course you don't want to bother him with your hardships since he's so busy so you don't bring it to his attention either.

he probably finds out because another member showed him what is being said about you. it really bothers him once he knows and his first thought is to comfort you.

part of him feels like he can't stop the comments because, he's just one person so he goes directly to you to comfort you. he tries to see if the company can protect you with the same protections they have for him and the rest of the group. he would probably want to sue everyone commenting for spreading false rumors and/or hating on you.

he probably writes a good sized paragraph about it on weverse. he'd highlight how his fans should love you too because he loves you. he also talks about how its not fair the way that you're being spoken about and how he doesn't want to hear about or see it anymore.

he continues to post like normal but he will monitor the replies and comments a bit more to make sure there isnt anything nasty about you and if he finds something it's being blocked and reported.

✧*:･ﾟbeomgyu

oh!!! he's so upset when he finds out! like he's not sure if you've seen the comments yet or not but, he will literally be so upset. he trusted his fans with the information of being in a relationship and who you where and he felt defeated if he's being honest.

he wants to handle it on his own, hoping that he can get it all resolved before you even notice. but, yknow it doesn't turn out that way considering you see his posts.

he'll probably post a selfie on twitter with a meaningful caption about how if the fans love him they would love you as well. part of it backfires because like it doesn't seem serious.

although it makes you chuckle, you have to be the one to break it to him, telling him that people might not take him seriously about the situation, to which he would probably add another tweet replying to his tweet about how he's serious.

it got laughs out of you, and later on he too chuckled at his failed attempt to get people to stop talking about you which... i mean kinda worked considering he's being clowned and not you? which he actually prefers?

✧*:･ﾟtaehyun

much like yeonjun he's not having it. as soon as it's brought to his attention he's shutting it down completely. with how often he gets on weverse to talk to fans i think he would talk about it there.

probably write a long extensive paragraph about feelings and how even his fans have to respect eachother and his partner's feelings because in the end it hurts his feelings too.

over all it's a very sweet message that he uses to get people to stop being nasty to eachother and you. it actually works! especially since after he went to reply to some fans who were leaving back handed compliments.

he knows he could get in trouble with the company for being so direct and so quick to defend you, but again thats the same with most things.

he checks in on your constantly, and checks every couple of days to see if people are respecting both you and him.

✧*:･ﾟhueningkai

if you think he wouldn't notice you're wrong. kai quickly caught on with the comments made about his sister, and he would be quick to catch on to the ones made about you.

in his head he knows there isn't much he can do with company limitations considering he would want to tell everyone off. but he would be with you and always tell you such nice things.

he'll probably go on live and be visibly annoyed but beat around the bush like he does. i don't see kai as a big confrontational guy so he probably talks around the point until he can't anymore.

he probably talks about how much comments can hurt people and thats when fans know that he's talking about you and the comments being made about you.

he probably feels great after the live. he doesn't care who's upset with him for saying the truth but he wanted to protect you regardless.

❁ requests are currently closed! ⤞ i am working on your beautiful requests !

for more of my work: masterlist.

enjoy!

- mari x

[for-the-sake-of-color]

For Crisis Company + Nihlus (is he officially Crisis Company? or is it Crisis Company and oh god their weird little sith that the captain has on a thin -looking leash?): Snapdragon , dandelion, marigold

LOL! Thanks so much for the ask!

Yes, Nihlus is officially Crisis Company, he holds the rank of Specialist (akin to a corporal). djghadgj They're collectively known among the GAR as 'that squad with the crazy sith' and it's rumored his antics are the cause of their squads name, which annoys his Captain to no end. "We are Urban Crisis Response!" Jet shouts to the no one who is listening.

All of Crisis Company though? this is gonna get LONG, HA!

Under the cut for convenience

SnapDragon: What is your OC's most used phrase?

Captain Jet: probably something along the line of *Deep Sigh* or "No sir, I have no idea what you're talking about, my squad would never!"

Margo: "If it works..." said in all sorts of situations. Her life is already so goddamned weird this may was well happen

Cynic: "Or blow it up" said hopefully by the heavy weapons specialist. Cmon guys, let's do something to get the heart pumping. "No," is usually Jet's reply. "This house is a fucking nightmare" Cynic sulks

Nihlus: well once he joins Crisis Company his most used phrase probably becomes WWJD or "What Would Jet Do" because the answer is definately not 'start killing until you get what you want' unfortunately for him (and fortunately for everyone around him)

Torch: "Next target," said to his spotter, Lake. You may think, given his generally attitude, it would be something closer to "my bad," for some sort of shenanigan, but he's actually an excellent sharpshooter, a fact which cannot be overlooked, even given his otherwise whimsical nature

Lake: "now do a backflip" he says from his perch with Torch, often acting as overwatch as their squad moves forwards. It is said anytime one of their squad starts bragging about a shot they made that he knows he could do better. So far Nihlus and Margo have been the only ones to be allowed continued bragging rights cause they actually can do a backflip

Heron: "It's not that bad" Listen, he's a medic. and sometimes... all you can do for a fallen soldier is a comforting lie. And luckily sometimes its just a trooper who wont stop bitching about their broken toe. Get over it, Herons missing his damn leg.

Sprig: as an E.O.D specialist he has a tattoo of the motto, "either I'm right, or suddenly it's not my problem anymore," on his shoulder in bright orange over a tattoo of a detonator. He likes to quote it whenever he's making optimistic bets

Dandelion: Does your OC get overwhelmed easily?

Captain Jet: No, mans has the task managing and organizational skills of a god. He may have gotten the rank of Lieutenant by being the last one alive, but he earned his Captains rank and his Urban response force

Margo: She doesnt get overwhelmed easily, nessesarily, but she does get frustrated quickly and it can quickly build into an overwhelming situation

Cynic: No, Cynic is as cool as a cucumber in any situation. it would take an avalanche of situations to phase him

Nihlus: Yes, easily. Frequently. He is... erratic, temperamental. It's not entirely his sith nature, either. Telepathy can be an overwhelming thing if you aren't careful about your mental barriers. too many minds thinking too many things on a war ship, like yelling in your ears but you cant cover them if you're too tired.

Torch: in professional situations, no. in personal situations, if he cant laugh something off, it'll eat at him. and like margo, a lot of little somethings can add up.

Lake: Lake has a much higher threshold than Nihlus for taxing situations, but a significantly lower one than Torch. it takes a lot less of those little things to add up for him.

Heron: No, He's a medic, he's as steady as his scalpel hand. in an Emergency he is Decisive, if we're being kind, and Ruthless, if we're being honest. He is very quickly overwhelmed by affection, though. Softness is not his usual forte

Sprig: The longer the war went on with him as a front line bomb diffuser, with each loss of another just like him to being vaporized, the more easily things began to overwhelm him. Sprig has settled more comfortably into himself with Crisis Company. Suddenly, big things aren't so terrifying anymore, when he has his family at his back.

Marigold: Describe your OC in three words or less

Captain Jet: Eldest Daughter Syndrome

Margo: Dearest Lady Fratboy

Cynic: Ride or Die

Nihlus: Suddenly, murder

Torch: We stay Silly

Lake: Anxiety with Legs

Heron: Unexpected Serial Killer

Sprig: Ankle Biter

[naokyunnn]

this dude name shinichiro sano keeps on following you around, telling you he likes you and if you want to go out on a date with him.

you declined, he’s not your type anyways he looks plain and weak you thought.

well, you’re too early to judge because what’s this you found out about him? mf is a gang leader of the top gang in japan right now, not just a leader but he’s also the founder.

“y/n!!! hey wait up! Hey!” the man with the lame hairstyle chases—appearing again out of nowhere “what. the. fuck. do. you. want. sano?” you said slowly facing him but to your surprise you saw him with alot of bruises, nose bleeding and uniform almost missing all of its buttons “the hell happen to you? Shin!?!!” thank god you were just close to him to catch his weak body, finally giving in— he’s still in conscious tho mumbling that a gang folded him and he’s just by himself.

you’re quick to tell him to just shut up and that you dont need an explanation because it’s literally obvious that he got beaten up.

you piggy back him, tho he’s taller and its hard for you to move forward because of his heavy body fully relaxed on your back, while he’s giving you directions to where he lives— not complaining anymore because you just really wanna take him home and treat his wounds.

“t-there…..thats my house” his weak arms pointed at the house just a few feet away, you take all of your energy to just walk there and enter the gate.

welcomed by a little boy with a blonde hair “brother!! what happened?!?” he exclaimed as he runs towards to the dude behind you “hey kid, you can worry later tell me where to put him down” you said almost taking a knee because you’ve been carrying him for awhile and your legs almost giving in. he lead you to shinichiro’s separated lounge.

you quickly put him down on his bed, and sit on the floor for awhile, breathing heavy “fuck…..i left my bag on that street…” you mumbled, face palming yourself “kid, you got first aid kit?” u looked up to his probably a brother because they kinda have the same eyes too “i have a name, my name is mikey” the kid sass “well im sorry mikey i didn’t know, now get me the first aid” you rolled your eyes playfully, he just do what he told

you sat shinichiro up, leaning him on his head board, and putting his bangs aside though its quite chunky because of the gel he’s been using to slick his hair back— you clean his wounds and patch it up while he just sleeps he’s really knocked out.

“sano you’re really weak” you chuckled as if he’s listening

you took a minute to admire his sleeping face, and realized that he’s not that actually bad……his hairstyle it is that made him look like a dork

“i know you wanna kiss me” the man surprises you, he suddenly spoke— “just kidding”he chuckled. “thanks y/n….for treating my wounds and taking me home” his voice hoarse and it honestly to attractive.

“yea whatever….. i gotta go, i left my bag on the street i need to go back and grab it” you got up and fixed your skirt and suddenly felt him get up too “hey what are you doing? stay down” you grab him by his shoulder and forced him down— “i dont care y/n, its dark outside you cant be going alone, night time is mostly gang hours its not safe” sitting on his bed looking up at you— you want to protest and just let him rest but at the same time the thought of being jumped by men is fucking scary “plus you might get jumped like me you know— dont want that to happen, i got a motorcycle anyways so lets ride okay? will that work?”

you ended up on his bike, hands around his waist and his helmet on your head— him saying that you need the helmet more than him. both of you go back to that street and grab your bag, thank god its still there.

then he drop you off your place— you got off the bike slightly struggling to take off the helmet, he chuckled at your annoyed face “c’mere let me help you” as he tug u by the strap of the helmet and effortlessly took it off “thanks” you said and he just nod with a smile on his face— you turned your back to him with a smile and head to your door.

“hey y/n, one last thing” he spoke, you swift your attention to him giving a little hum— “i’ll ask you once again, can i take you on a date? you know…..as a thanks too because thats a lot of work back there” he reasoned—

“my, my shinichiro you really wont give up huh?” you chuckled, shaking your head slightly— you looked at him and he’s still wearing his smile on his sore bruised face, patiently waiting for your sweet answer

“yea of course, ill go out with you shin!” you responded— music to shinichiro ears, to be honest he just wanted to scream and squeal but he’ll save it for later— “right— right then see you tomorrow at 5pm??” he managed to say, you nod already twisting your door knob “see you tomorrow, fix your hair by the way” you waved before going in— he nod and giggle about it then you shut the door.

leaning on it— eyes closing and giving in a wide smile

“he’s…….he’s not that bad at all” you mumbled— hiding your face on your palm, unaware of your burning cheeks

because for awhile you forgot about his weaknesses, his occupation, that lame ass hairstyle too— that overall didn’t matter at all.

because tomorrow you’ll be waking up knowing that you actually just fall for shinichiro and you’re going on a date with him after school.

[fuwushiguro]

Guys I'm sorry to get everyone's hopes up with the kinktober masterlist but I really have zero desire to write anymore lmao. I fully just am not enjoying it. I haven't posted in a while until last night for day one but I wrote that fic back in March in preparation of kinktober. Us writers put so much work and effort into our fics and blogs but kinktober is an especially heavy time. Say thank you to your favourite writers for working so hard for you. I just simply cannot do it I really can't lmao I'm sick of writing. It's not because of lack of traction or anything I just feel like my life is being stunted because of an obligation to my blog and fics and writing and honestly it's not fair to myself and realistically it isn't fair to you guys since if I keep forcing myself to write everything I post will be average at best. I'm not saying I'm not gonna write ever again but I absolutely need to not be so concerned with Tumblr anymore. The way the hype and electricity of the dash has died an epic death is just really sad. I miss seeing my besties getting thousands of notes and endless praise. I miss everyone geeking out over their favourite characters and shows. I just miss how things were last year to be honest this year has been really boring and tragic. I've been trying to hang on to see if things would pick up when all of the new shows returned or started this month but I genuinely don't care at the minute lmao. I'm not looking after myself how I deserve. I'm not sleeping enough or getting enough outdoor time. I legitimately need to touch some grass. Like I said, this might not be forever but I just want to give myself the chance and a fair shot of trying to live my life without worrying what my followers will think or if I'm letting you guys down. I hate constantly having a niggle in the back of my mind that I should be writing. I owe you guys content. I owe my followers my constant attention and energy. I can't do that anymore I just want a break. I'll probably still be around reblogging fics or art or shit posts but I am not writing anything anymore for the time being and I'm definitely not rushing writing to meet kinktober due dates. Especially with the abysmal traction at the minute, it's really not worth it.

Hope u guys understand anyway, thanks ily <3

TLDR; i need a break. kinktober low key cancelled. might pick it up in future. i wont be writing for a while but i will still be around :)

[postalenha]

on and off % jake

pairing: playboybf!jake x reader genre: angst, fluff, lovers to exes, exes to lovers idek word count: 1.89k words requested: yes / prompt 14, “we called it off again last night.” / 18, “it’s been you all along.” / 19, “for the first time, i had something to lose.” synopsis: immaturity isn't needed in a relationship, but that seems to be jake's and your's specialty. warnings: curse words, mentions of drinking, throwing up, su!cide, toxic relationship, making out

"i thought you're going with jake today?" sunghoon asked as you hop into his car.

you rolled your eyes at the thought of riding in the same vehicle as the boy, "no, we called it off again last night."

"again?!" the boy exclaimed, "y/n, that's probably the nth time you guys called it off." he sighed in disbelief, "that's not how relationships work." he commented.

judgingly looking at his way, "yeah? like you know any better?"

"shut up." he started the engine, "this isn't about my love life."

"whatever." you blurt out, "i guess being bad at handling relationship runs in our blood." you jokingly said, as your cousin laugh.

he tilt his head smiling, "damn, of all things that can be passed down, that's what we got."

"well, at least we got good looks. that works as a payoff." he added. you agreed at him with a nod, "anyway." you changed the subject.

"i'm planning on ending it with jake." you stated. he looked at you, "no shit, you sure?" he assured, "to be honest, whatever makes you happy." he added, looking like he wanted to say something but he decided not to.

"don't apologize." you led before he could even say sorry for insisting that you should date his best friend, sim jaeyun.

"i'm not- okay whatever." he almost want to deny the urge but he saw you looking at him with a teasing face, "i just feel a little responsible for all the stress this relationship have caused you." he scratch the back of his head, as you slap his arm.

"shut up, dating him was my decision. you don't have to blame yourself for all the bad decisions i made for myself. i'm an adult now." you told him.

parking his car he nod his head, "okay. just remember i'm here if things are bad, okay?"

"okay." you said, before going out of his car. walking at the corridor of your building, trying to see if jake arrived earlier than you today.

and he certainly did. there he is on his designated seat beside the window, silently watching as the wilted leaves fall down from the tree.

the clock ticks time faster than you expected and your professor came in, not able to call out for jake's name to even talk to him.

sitting down to a chair, you told yourself that you'll talk to him later. and here you are, in front of jake sim at the rooftop of your university's main building.

it might be your lucky day for no one else is here but the two of you. this place is usually cramped with so many people and miraculously today isn't one of those days.

this may be one of the many signs sent from above that this relationship should end as it wasn't right from the beginning.

your blood boils as your cousin sunghoon pushes you into the table of his friend group, "come on! you wouldn't lose anything! he just want to talk to you." he shouts.

"then tell him i don't want to!" you shout back a little annoyed. the last thing you want to do tonight is talk to the famous serial dater, jake sim. "for i know, he just wants the best out of me!"

"come on! jake's not like that!" he defended his friend. to be honest, sunghoon is the last person you should be ranting to. for he is just like his friend, they play with girl's hearts for fun.

you rolled your eyes as you reach the table of ego. the decision of naming that wasn't yours, but the other students. they called this the table of ego because everyone in here got some solid ego. heeseung, jay, sunghoon, jake. all of them.

"y/n! you actually came!" heeseung cheered as soon as he saw you, he scooted a little bit on his right to leave some space between him and jake, "come sit!"

sitting beside him was probably one of the decisions you will forever regret in your life. the memory of that night was a blur. you barely recall anything that happened then.

the only thing that you remember was when jake was reaching for a kiss, you accidentally threw up on him before passing out.

the next day, he told you to be his girlfriend to compensate with the mess you gave his brand new shirt. you said yes just so he could shut up, telling yourself you'll break up with him after a day or two.

two months then passed and you are just breaking everything now. well, it's better late than never. you just didn't expect that he would actually be a good boyfriend.

he's mostly good, not until everything gets complicated even with nothing. you fight over the smallest thing like, not being able to respond to each other's text to someone getting jealous.

it wasn't the best relationship you've been in but it was a good experience. you learned so much and now, it's time to move on.

"what is it that you wanted to say?" jake impatiently snapped you back into reality. you swallowed a good amount of saliva before saying, "let's break up."

it was better to say it forward than beating around the bush. with this, more time and energy will be saved. because even if you give him an explanation he probably won't listen.

he slowly blinked and sighed, looking away he said "okay. if that's what you want." see. he wouldn't even bother asking you why.

well, if you get things easy. they would also go easily, "okay. it was fun meeting you." you head out, leaving him there.

he most probably would not be so upset that he might think of jumping off the building, but you still prayed that he wont.

and he didn't. you can guarantee that as you see that three weeks later jake sim is with a woman walking the same isle as you are. the chances of you seeing him here at this huge mall was small, but never impossible.

you grabbed your friend's hand trying to hide from the sight of the man, "what are you doing-"

"shut up, jake is here." you told here looking at their way, walking into a clothing store. you hurriedly go and sit at a restaurant far from them and ordered food when your friend speak up.

"y/n, what's the point of hiding now when you guys already broke up?" she patheticly looked at you who's trying to hide from a menu list.

putting the menu list down on the table, you crossed your arms, "i am not hiding from him. i simply don't want to involve myself with anything that has to do with him."

"yeah, like seeing him in a shopping mall involves you with him." she said with full sarcasm. "you have no idea how pathetic that sounded."

not listening to anything she said, you started eating your pasta. almost choking when you saw a familliar figure walk in the restaurant.

trying your best to lean down and not get noticed you hear your friend call, "jake!" you kick her feet under the table as you see jake wave back and walks closer.

"what the fuck did you just do?" you whispered at her, she just smiles like an idiot as jake reach your table.

"hello, jia." he greeted your friend, "hi, y'n."

flashing a fake smile, you said "hi." satisfied with how annoyed you are, jia announced "you guys can join us! we got two extra seats here."

"we don't want to intrude-" you cut him off, "yes, there are a lot of vacant tables. they sure can find their own, right?"

serving a glass of wine, a waiter says "oh, we're fully booked, ma'am. so if you want to eat here, you have to wait for another hour or so." he said pouring some on your glass. "if you'll excuse me."

"it would be rude if we don't invite you right? so join!" your friend cheered as the girl jake's with sit next to you.

taking a sip of your wine whenever jake helps the girl cut her steak, you became unaware of how drunk you are. "so, when did you meet jake?" you asked the girl.

to be frank, she was quiet the whole time. just sitting there, not saying a thing but a "thanks." whenever jake helps her with anything.

"you can't answer that? well can you tell me if you are able to use your hands to their purpose? like cutting off a steak or puring your own glass of wine?"

"y/n-" your friend tried to stop you. but you didn't listen. you just continued to blabber nonsense until jake grabbed your wrist to the bathroom.

shaking your hand off his grip you screamed at him asking, "why did you bring me here?!"

"y/n why are you being so rude?" he calmly asked you.

you sarcastically laughed, "i'm being rude? who's more rude when you're out here eating at the same table as your ex-girlfriend and your current girlfriend?"

"current girlfriend- y/n that's my cousin!" he tried to calm himself by breathing slowly, pushing the side of his mouth using his tounge "do you really think i could replace you that fast?"

the sudden question made you feel like someone cut off your tounge. because you mostly have answer for everything but this. his question caught you off guard.

"when you broke up with me, i never asked why. i knew you were tired and i don't want to exhaust you more." you hear his voice shake as he speak. "i was also tired and we both needed a break."

you looked straight at his eyes that are sparkling from moist done by the tears that he have been trying so hard to hold back, "but as time pass by, i felt more and more empty. there is a big mark of you in my heart that ever since you left, no one has ever filled."

"nobody could ever fit in, but you." cupping your face he also wipe your tears away. "i never felt that way before. it's like, for the first time, i had something to lose."

"jake, i-" it was as if you forgot how to compose a word. you never knew he felt the same way you did when you broke up with him.

maybe sunghoon was more of your cousin than he is jake's friend. because if jake only knew how many times you told sunghoon that you miss him, he would've came back faster than this.

he smiled pulling you into a hug, "it's fine if you don't feel the same way anymore. i understand that. but i just want you to know that i am not the douchebag you think i am."

pulling away from the hug, you see his eyes were bloodshot "sorry, the last thing i want to do is make you cry-" you pulled him into a kiss not letting another word out of his mouth.

running out of breath, you seperated his lips from yours. you widely smiled at him, "it’s been you all along."

kissing outside a three star restaurant's restroom isn't as ideal as other comeback stories, but you wouldn't ask for anything else. as long as you have jake in your arms, your heart is content.

[moonlightsweatheart]

Unbothered | Tartaglia x Nb!Reader

In wich you came out to your boyfriend as non-binary but his reaction wasn't the one you were expecting...

TW : genderdisphoria, the birth gender of the reader is not precised

D/n = Dead name

Yn is the name you choose.

Taglist : @orionicchaos

Main Masterlist

You thought about it for weeks. You questionned yourself every seconds that passed, but now you were sure of it.

You are non-binary. Whenever someone used the name you were assigned at birth or using the pronouns of your assigned gender at birth, your stomach ached and you couldn't help but feel uneasy.

At first, you thought something was wrong with you. You didn't want to bother anyone with that type of feeling, so you kept your mouth shut.

Except you didn't want to hide your own identity anymore. You were obviously very stressed about the way people would react, but you still decided it was time to tell people about it.

Well, at least, there was one people in particular that deserved to know.

After all, he litteraly lived under the same roof as you and shared your life for more than two years now.

When you heard the front door opens, you knew it was time. He was home and you were going to tell him everything. You made him his favorite dinner since you've finish work earlier than him and dressed the table.

"Baby ? I'm home !" you hear him yells from the hall.

"I'm in the kitchen !"

He enters the room and you smile nervously, trying to not breakdown immediatly in front of him.

To be honest, you were expecting a break-up. There was no way Ajax could date someone non-binary. What if he thinks it's weird ? What if he thinks it's something made up by people and you need to get healed from it ?

You knew he wasn't like that but...would he actually accept someone like you ?

As you were preparing his plate, he noticed your shaking hands.

"Hey, is everything alright...?"

He places his hand on your wrist with a frown of worry.

"It's nothing, i'm just cold."

He doesn't seem to believe you, but he doesn't pressure you to tell him either.

Instead, he tries to relax you by telling you some anectodes and story from his day at work.

You finally sit down in front of him and you two start eating with a strange atmosphere.

You are at the verge of crying but fortunately, he doesn't seem focus on that anymore. He's actually talking with excitement about the hangout you planned for tomorrow.

"So, are you excited too ?" he asks with a big smile. "We're going to see so much news places, i hope there wont be too much people so we can actually enjoy our date !"

You can't even look at him when you know that this date is probably going to get canceled anyway.

"Ajax ?"

"hm ? Oh, and we could also try the new restaurant nearby, what do you think ?"

"I'm non-binary..."

"Yeah ? That doesn't answer my question though, do you want to try this new restaurant or not ? I get that Dottore said it wasn't that good but we can't really trust him on this point anyway..."

You stare at him with widen eyes and let your fork fall on the table.

"Did you not hear what i said..? I'm non-binary, Ajax." you repeat.

"Yeah, i heard the first time, i'm not deaf you know ? But this really doesn't answer my question about the restaurant."

Your eyes fill with tears as your hear his words. You really don't know how to react. Was he not believing you ? Did he just not care ? Or did he not know what being non-binary meant ? What was going through his head right now ?

You can't stop overthinking as your first tears start rolling down your cheeks.

That's when your boyfriend saw it and understand that something is not right.

"D/n ? What's wrong ? Hey, darling ?"

"I said i was non-binary" you start, already sobbing through your words, "But you didn't even answer anything about it..."

He takes your hands and bend down next to you, swiping your tears away with his tumb. He tries to make you feel better by hugging you, rubbing your back and whispering some "it's alright" in your ears.

Finally, when you calm down a little, he starts talking.

"I didn't say anything because...well, because i don't really care ? I mean, it probably sounds awful like that but..." he takes a deep breath and places a kiss on your hand.

"What i mean is that not matter your gender, your name or the pronouns you want me to use for you, i still love you the same. I couldn't care less about that type of things. You're my precious soulmate, i would never leave you for such ridiculous reasons."

You continue to cry a little more in his arms, feeling completly protected and accepted for the first time in months.

"So...Maybe i should've asked that the moment you came out but...Do you have a prefered name other than D/n ? And what are your pronouns, exactly ?"

You take some time to answer, not wanting to rush yourself.

"They/them is fine. Are you sure it's okay ?"

"Of course it is. I'll use they/them from now on. What about your name ?"

Were you really going to say it ? You've had a new name ready for months and now, it was finally time to say it out loud. You didn't imagine that it was going to be so stressful.

"Yn. I like Yn."

He holds you a little tighter and whispers.

"That's a beautiful name."

You stayed in this position for awhile before realising that the food was probably cold by now.

"You know what ? I have a better idea. We're going to this new restaurant, right now."

"What ? But Ajax..."

"You didn't answer my question anyway, so i'm taking the lead. Yn, we're going to the new restaurant."

He runs to the living room and puts back his shoes, inciting you to do the same.

You smile at him with relief.

You were so wrong expecting a break-up.

[baconlettucetomatoeggs]

lest reality may gaslight me...........

i admit there's this growing jealousy of mine when she talks about her escapades in coding. it kinda reminded me how little i know, when in fact i should know this.

now the semester's coming (yep i got enrolled, thank god) i did what most people do when they're dunno what the heck things would do: ask their nearest person

"so, honest question, do you think we're work-ready?" "i dont think so. why's that?" "if beginners nowadays can code RISC-V like it was nothing, what's left to us? sure we can say we studied this course for like 4 years but... isnt that a waste?" "i mean... yeah? i mean even the webdevs of our course were really cocky. no one even taught us AI. heck, our classmates are working on BPO. nothing wrong about it but it's such a waste of skill" (some context on the text above: the mate's specializing in AI. also some of us know webdev. at least we can deploy XAMPP and call it a day. others feel fancy with their javascripts. the second person also has a knack of wanting to make a RISC on their own. welp) and i'm still here being jealous with even seeing double colons on code, or even a simple coding example. i just cant do this anymore. it's filled with spite and i dunno where to channel that frustration: i need to learn this. but i cant. and i'm demotivated.

then she started planning on making a compiler.

we never had that kind of stuff in my course. so in confusion, i asked my mates who were studying outside of my cooleg

"hey y'all made compilers in your course?" "yeah." and idk what to say. i just wasted 4 years of my life. just. gone

"why didnt you take a course that has a license? i mean, with that entrance exam score you're set to every course" because i liked it here. but now it's just a lie.

and i wasted 4 years of my life here.

i remembered the Cult Leader (my prof, not really a cult leader but their messianic complex is HARD) said to us: "what's the use of learning low level? everything's done in web these days" as my mates and i were doing system calls on our devices.

and the worst of it all was the fact that my bff told me a real cold hard truth accidentally:

"hey did you know? your course is just a minor on this other engineering course"

lol i have no pride left in my what is essentially me, my hobby, my joy, my life. not only im dumb, but i know nothing

so, there are two options left for me:

just cry about it.

accept that everything is mediocre and you need to walk on your own, spite and all

while eating my lunch today, i told to myself i need a focused learning of all the things i wanna learn to. no i wont speak it beacause im afraid it wouldnt come to fruition

i wanna apologise to her tbh. not only she didnt know, i just dunno what she talks about 80% of the time. i like it when she's around, and i like it when she's eager on something. sorry ><

kinda disappointing that i'll go back on 4th year instead of 1st year. i definitely need that introductory class.

all i got in the end was... please dont tell your hobbies, because if you do you'll feel insecure about it when you find you dont hobbied hard enough

or maybe stuck myself reading philosophy books, whatever.

P.S.

so i asked myself wtf are we geared upon??? and welp it was obvious in hindsight, and in that one startup i worky on: it's all about building systems, the macro scale. hell we have prereqs for software engineering and another one for the Master's course

and while washing the dishes, i though like: COME ON, THAT'S EASY! IT'S EASY TO FOLLOW PARADIGMS AND JUST MIRROR IT AS IS! ANYONE CAN BUILD A MODULAR SYSTEM, OR EVEN A MONOLITHIC ONE, COME ON!!!!

sorta like the disconnect between businessmen talking about their plans 10 years (they always talk about this) vs friends planning a vacation 12 hours in advance. the first one dont need that much mental flex, only daydreaming.

...probably this is why the trend seems to be microservices, where they all struggle to keep their modularity in check. and now they removed the ethics board. they wanna think about futures, but not the present. may they rot in peace.

p.p.s

ok if you ask me what i wanna learn, it'll be HDL (verilog?) on the mondays, C/Rust on the tuesdays (cant decide. fuck it PSP time), RISC-V on the wednesdays, MIPS on the thursdays (fuck it PSP time), and friday's just Cebuano. saturday and sundays are for dumb time. cant decide how to tho. you can prolly do algorithms on any of those but that would be silly unless it's higher level i seriously wanna learn like functional languages, or languages near the theoretical side of things. we dont have the math touch in our hands and in fact we only have like 2 semesters of calculus.

this isnt prolly gonna be in fruition considering i laze around and dont have the will for anything than breathing and living

im kinda excited what shits will do in our embedded systems class. they said it's all arduino and stuff, why not go nuts? i guess.

there's 2 days of Neural Networks. no we wont build exotic stuff like GANs or something.

sigh. even with all this, i'm still dumb.

[x-chubby-reader]

Hey hey hey how about some more haikyuu Hcs? So I was thinking Terushima,Konoha,lev,and goshiki with their chubby S/O of course bc thick thighs save livesbut anyways them comforting their chubby bunny’s when their feeling insecure🤍

A/n - Ayeee whats up I'm back. I may have taken a little secret break just to refresh my brain. Anyways I hope you like this my Anon baby ;)

Lowercase Intentional

Most likely cursing, do I even need a warning for this anymore? Probably not

Not prof read at all

Terushima, Konoha, Lev, and Goshiki comforting their S/O when they are feeling insecure

Terushima

energetic baby

personal and portable hype man

i might of said this before but he is literally a bigger version of hinata

full time simp just for you ;)

he really isn't one to take things seriously or to hang onto things that happened throughout the day

hell, he cant even remember what he ate for breakfast

so because he didn't take anything really to heart, he thought everyone else didn't too

ahem

that's wrong

so after making one of his many un-announced appearances to your house, he kind of had a wake-up call

he had a key to the deadbolt by the second or third date

its just how he roles

while you had been slouched over a hot, comforting drink, he had been as loud as he usually is

you didn't mean to sound mean but it got on your nerves

it took you having a snappy tone for him to finally get through his thick skull

mr big and funky tongue piercing man suddenly becomes just that more tentative and less destructive in a way

he seems to go into a mediator role when you are upset

homie will make you confident when you aren't feeling yourself

hey want a change of looks? teru is going to put his hair cutting classes to work and show off his skills (just a little)

Its okay if you want to change something about yourself, just know your self worth

homie probably got one of those cringey red bubble pillows with saying on them, hey they make him feel like he is doing something right

we all want a ball of energy in our lives lets be honest

but then again, he is blessed to have you

Konoha

he is used to dealing with people who are insecure and have to cheer them up

a skilled 'therapist' one might say

konoha is used to dealing with bokuto on the daily, so he knows how to cheer people up

is usually a tease with you, but he does understand the concept of going too far and dose understand your limits

what i am saying is that he wont deliberately be a complete jerk, its just his personality

you just gotta pick up the phone and he will be there as soon as he can

always seems to somehow have a reassuring look gracing his face

its weirdly comforting in a way

but he will be wherever you need him

literally has gone to pick you up from uncomfortable situations before and will not hesitate to do it again

literally one of the best at the comfort hug

he may be one of the shorter people on his team (come on he is 5'10-)

but somehow that doesn't stop him from wrapping his arms around your thicker frame snugly and laying his head on top of yours if he can reach it or on your shoulder

its just so nice, I would recommend it if you get the chance

the little squeezes he gives to comfort you are just ten out of ten

they literally make you melt into him

Lev

another ball of sunshine

this time it is just stretched out into a string bean who we love and appreciate dearly

bean but make it super supportive

just long limbed toddler

if your sad or insecure, then he will get sad that your sad and will hang on you like a child

he can be a bit oblivious so cut him some slack he is trying okay?

full on thought it would take him at least half an hour minimum to notice that something is wrong

just please i am begging you don't expect him to be all reassuring at first it will take him a solid moment

i'm not saying he doesn't notice when you are down because he really does

when he notices then have fun, he will be around and hanging around you all day,

just not wanting to leave you alone

homegirl/boy you will be smothered

so many sickly sweet smooches and lanky hugs

again mentioning the hanging all over you part of lev

try escaping his childish ass

you cannot

though i cant find a reason on why you would want to anyways

will probably say something and accidentally offend you with his bluntness

but please don't take it in a mean way, he's just trying to help even if he isn't the best at it!

Goshiki

the most supportive out of all four boys

he has your back even if his own fucking bangs don't have his (please don't come for me-)

he has had his fair share of being insecure himself

it makes it easier to relate i think

sometimes his self criticism got to be to much for him too

he totally can relate with getting those little voices in your head telling you that you are not enough

he is a strong believer in the distraction method of trying to get out of an insecure streak

goshiki gives 'counter arguments'

sometimes it dose looks like those high school debate clubs i am not going to lie

make a comment on how big your thighs and calves are?

he will retort right back about how strong and cool they are

(hey maybe even a lil sexy, he could be a leg man ;) )

not feeling your plush stomach today?

mr janky bangs would talk endlessly about how comfortable it is to lay and rest on after a long day

you really will never win

but have fun trying to while having to dodge all his worship and praise as if it was a game of tag